While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, “How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
A guy brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch. The dockhand says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one."
The guy says, "Of course I don't have a tie on, I'm on a boat!" "Well, go down below and put one on" "I don't HAVE one!"
The dockhand, not wanting to turn away a customer, says "Well, why don't you just find something that approximates a tie. That should be O.K."
After some time, the boater comes out with a pair of jumper cables. "This is all I could find to put around my neck."
Sighing, the deck hand says "OK, I'll let you in with those, but just don't start anything."
One beautiful summer morning, a fellow employee phoned into work. Here is what was said. "Hello Mike, I'm not feeling very well. You're going to have to mark me on sick leave today . . . OVER."
Old boaters never die; they just get a little dinghy.
Stupid Human Boating Tricks | from the iboats.com Forums
As always, Stupid Human Boating Tricks from our very own iboats.com Forums
From Petty Officer 1st Class sportsmanphil:
I was out fishing at Blews Lake last week. I was out with my buddy on his War Eagle. About the middle of the day we headed to a place called Humphries Ridge (a place on the water to get food/ice cream etc.).
We had eaten and were headed back down to the dock. A 'good ole boy' was docked beside us in an old run down pontoon. He asked for a jump but we had no cables. I suggested he use the spare ripcord to get it running. He said he didn’t have one so I cut a piece of 1/4" rope and tied a knot on one end. He pulled the engine cover and was going to man the throttle by hand at the engine.
Behind the gate on the rear of the pontoon there is minimal room. I was standing on one side lapping the rope around the flywheel and getting ready to give it a good pull when I noticed the guy sitting on the gas tank with a cigarette dangling from his mouth.
Needless to say with no further adieu, I gladly exited the boat directly across the narrow dock into my buddies War Eagle. I bid him a "good luck" as we pulled away from the dock.
I love to help people in need but I have my limitations.
From Seaman Apprentice Kracken:
Several times each year we travel up to Maine for a weekend on Sebago/Brandy and Long Lake. Last year I believe I witnessed 2 colossal stupid human tricks within 10 minutes of each other and by 2 separate boaters.
There I was, sitting in my aqua chair on the sandbar that sits about 50 feet away from the “no wake” channel. It was early afternoon and I was enjoying a warm August day with my favorite beverage.
Along comes a 20 foot pontoon boat doing 15 or so through the no wake zone. Up in the bow, in front of the gate there are 3 kids sitting on the deck dragging their feet in the water. I yelled at the guy, asked him if he knew how dangerous that is to his children. He gave me the half peace sign.
10 minutes later, a large Cobalt passes outside the channel markers - no biggie, the water was high with very little chance of digging the sand bar. The boat passes me at about 15 feet at 15mph. I am admiring the boat go by when I noticed . . . there was a teenager . . . body surfing from the swim platform.
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