A boat painter was awarded the job of painting a small sailboat, and when the owner asked him how long it would take him to finish the job, he replied, "Two weeks".
Three weeks went by and the owner, a little concerned of the delay, confronted the painter. "Hey Pete", said the owner, "You told me that it would take you two weeks to paint my boat and it's been three weeks. What's up with that?"
The painter put his paintbrush down, looked the owner square in the eye and said, "That was two NAUTICAL weeks, like a nautical mile, they're a little longer".
Getting Out of a Ticket
Sam had saved up for many years and was finally able to purchase the fast offshore boat of his dreams. Shortly after hitting the water, curiosity got to him and he pushed the throttle forward. With the wind blowing his aging hair back he smiled until he noticed a marine patrol boat chasing after him. At first he speed up to run away, then realized that was the wrong thing to do. With a terrible feeling he slowed to a stop.
The officer pulled along side and asked his name. A very frightened, "Sam", was the response. Seeing that Sam was feeling really bad about being pulled over, the officer told him that if he could tell him a good reason for speeding his boat, he would let him go with just a warning. Sam thought for a moment then said; "My wife ran off with an officer and I thought you were trying to give her back!" With a smile the patrolman said; "Don't do it again!" and left.
Stupid Human Boating Tricks | Engine Won’t Turn Over
From an iboats Boating Forums member, with plenty of replies from others with similar "tricks":
Lets set the stage...
Its early morning, and I am waxing and wiping down the boat to get ready for a day in the sun. I have friends coming from out of state for a day of boating and fun. I let my 2.5 year old daughter run around the inside of the boat while I work. She loves to honk the horn and pretend to drive "Daddy's boat".
So I finish up my work, and she is looking pretty, and ready to go. I load up and meet my friends at the dock. We load their stuff into the boat and back her into the water.
Now, I built my engine from scratch all by myself. I take a LOT of pride in that. It starts instantly every time, and runs perfectly.
So, the outdrive is down, engine primed, turn the key, and RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRR
again RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRr
It turns over just fine... but not even a hint of catching.
I begin to get nervous... I pull the flame arrestor and check for fuel... yup, its got fuel.
Try again... same thing.
Try full throttle, part, none... try everything.
I pull the lead from the coil off the dist. and check for spark... CRAP!!! No spark. I start checking connections to the coil... all good.
Well, crap, the coil must have gone bad... I begin to break the news to my friends. I feel terrible... I crank the boat back on the trailer, and pull her out. I start unloading their stuff, and my non-boating friend looks at me and says, "Is the kill switch supposed to be off?"
HOLY CRAP!!!!!! THE KILL SWITCH!!! Duh!
Yup, I guess when my little angel was playing with daddy's boat, she found the little red kill switch.
I flipped it, and backed her in again... turn the key, and it instantly roars to life.
Boy, did I feel dumb... at least the day was saved!!!