Beer Troubleshooting guide<br /> <br />This may prove to be helpful. <br /> <br /> BEER TROUBLESHOOTING GUIDE<br /> <br />SYMPTOM-<br /> CAUSE-<br /> CORRECTIVE ACTION-<br /> <br />Feet cold and wet -<br />(a) Glass Being held at incorrect angle. <br />(b) Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling <br /> <br />Feet warm and wet -<br /> (a)Improper Bladder Control <br /> (b)Stand next to nearest dog, complain about lack of house training <br /> <br />Beer unusually pale and tasteless -<br /> a. Glass empty. <br />b. You're holding a Coors Lite <br /> Get someone to buy you another beer <br /> <br />Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights -<br />(a) You have fallen over backward. <br />(b) Have yourself lashed to bar <br /> <br />Mouth contains cigarette butts, back of head covered with ashes -<br />(a) You have fallen forward <br />(b) See above <br /> <br />Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet -<br /> a. Mouth not open <br />b. Glass applied to wrong part of face <br /> Retire to restroom, practice in mirror <br /> <br />Floor Blurred -<br /> (a)You are looking through bottom of empty glass <br /> <br /><br />(b)Get someone to buy you another beer <br /> <br />Floor moving -<br /> (a)You are being carried out <br />(b) Find out if you are being taken to another bar <br /> <br />Room seems unusually dark -<br />(a) Bar has closed <br /> (b)Confirm home address with bartender. If staff is gone, grab a six-pack to go and hit the nearest fire escape door. Run! <br /> <br />Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures -<br />(a) Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations <br />(b) Cover mouth, open window, stick head outside <br /> <br />Everyone looks up to you and smiles <br /> You are dancing on the table <br /> Fall on someone cushy-looking <br /> <br />Beer is crystal-clear -<br /> (a)It's water! Somebody is trying to sober you up <br />(b) Punch him <br /> <br />People are standing around urinals, talking or putting on makeup -<br />(a) You're in the ladies' room <br />(b) Do not use urinal! Excuse yourself, exit and try the next door down the hall. Try to get phone numbers (optional) <br /> <br />Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear -<br />(a) You have been in a fight <br /> <br />(b) Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them <br /> <br />Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in -<br /> (a)You've wandered into the wrong party <br />(b) See if they have free beer <br /> <br />Your bedroom is painted gray, has a concrete floor a!! nd an interesting steel door. Toilet may be conveniently located next to your bunk -<br /> a. You're in jail. <br />b. You're in the Army. <br /> Sleep it off, you ca! n always get out tomorrow. Don't talk to your new roommate, and under no circumstances sleep on your stomach <br /> <br />You are dancing to a Village People song, and your partner is wearing leather chaps -<br />(a) You're in a gay bar <br />(b) Keeping your back to the wall, edge toward nearest exit. Do not accept offers for backrubs <br /> <br />Your singing sounds distorted -<br /> The beer is too weak <br /> Have more beer until your voice improves <br /> <br />Don't remember the words to the song <br />(a) Beer is just right <br />(b) Play air guitar 
<br /> <br /> This is purely for humor,
<br /> <br /> This is purely for humor,
