Children and Thankyous

Bassy

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Okay, I hope you all can help me with this.<br />First of all, at what age should a child write a thank you for his/her gift?<br />We send our gifts through the mail and all of my older nephews/nieces have always been so good at writing thank you notes for their Christmas/Birthday/ etc. gifts.<br />I have a brother who I will name as Dude. He has an only child who is 9 yrs old I'll name Ben.<br />Dude is divorced from the Mom. The last 9 years Dude has sent the thank you for the gift for Ben. I think it's time for Ben to send his own thank you note. I sent Dude a note saying that if Ben can't send a thank you to us then we may consider not sending anymore gifts. He thinks that's an ultimatum and that I'm not being a good aunt if I do that.<br /> Please help me to understand this. Am I being unfair? Is this too much to ask of a 9 yr. old?<br /> As a child Dude and I as with another 3 siblings sat down the day after we recieved the gift and wrote a thank you note. Mom made sure of this and I think that was a good value she instilled in us.<br />I still practice that to this day.<br />Any thoughts will be appreciated.<br />Bassy :confused:
 
B

boatingfool

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Nov 30, 2002
Messages
610
Re: Children and Thankyous

We have our kids call and say thank you for the gifts they get.<br /><br />If we know the people well enough to get gifts from them then we know them enough to call and say thank you.<br /><br />On Christmas morning we have so many gifts from different people when we open the gifts we write down what gifts our kids got from who.<br /><br />Then later on that day we have our kids call them and say thank you.<br /><br />We do this from the time they can talk.<br /><br />If they are to young to call we will dial the phone for them. But if they are old enough to talk they are old enough to say thank you.<br /><br /> Thats the way we do it. ;)
 
Bassy

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Re: Children and Thankyous

boatingfool -<br />That's awesome! A thank you call would be acceptable. Thank you for your response.
 
T

tylerin

Commander
Joined
Jul 25, 2003
Messages
2,368
Re: Children and Thankyous

Bassy, As soon as my kids(8-14) were old enough to write there name, they were sending Thank You letters. If my kids didn't send them, than by all means don't send them anything next year! My son has waited and waited til last night when he wanted to go to a get together with his friends. I asked him if he had his Thank You cards written, and he said "tomorrow". I said "fine, tomorrow you can see your friends". Took him 45 minutes to right 6 Thank You's, and he was p!ssed. BFD My daughter (8) does them the day after Christmas. She's a darling :)
 
C

CCrew

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Sep 10, 2003
Messages
416
Re: Children and Thankyous

As soon as my kids were old enough to sign their name, we sent thank you cards, and they signed them. Now that they're old enough to write, they write their own letters. They understand that it's a requirement in our house...<br /><br />-Roger
 
E

ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
2,289
Re: Children and Thankyous

we normally do all opening during the presence of the givers, and thank them at the time. if something is mailed, then wifie (and mother/motherNlaw did same) called up the giver and the child would give the thank you. a peeve of mine (not that it helps any) is the burden of massmailing of thankyou cards :D lol it would help if i didn't have to provide any stamp supplies or postal shipping.<br /><br />we only have presents christmas day from santa, everything else is opened christmas eve or when in company of relatives if prior to the 24th. we always want to open presents 'live' so the giver can observe. maybe that's not normal but its how most of the people i've known handle it. :) <br /><br />this is when we can't be together for christmas eve. the good part is, i don't have to pack our immed family presents when traveling the week of christmas. ;)
 
E

ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
2,289
Re: Children and Thankyous

sorry, i didn't even mention your question, bassy :) i hope this doesn't come across wrong, but i was thinking of how i was, when young. i don't know how things are today, or in CA, expecting a cultured sophisticated man-boy smart in the feminine side of etiquette is a little much. i'd tell the bro exactly how you feel, and leave it up to him to expl it to the boy. if the kid is a brat, then you might consider this on future present types. that might affect the brother. its too complex for me to answ (after all this) :D <br /><br />when i was a kid, no way i'm writing a thankyou note. sure i could write/spell just fine. next time i see you i'd tell you thanx. if that wasn't good enough, so what. did the boy ever mention any problems with you to his dad? LOL<br /><br />please take this with a grain of salt
 
T

tylerin

Commander
Joined
Jul 25, 2003
Messages
2,368
Re: Children and Thankyous

Well my son is 14, he hunts and fishes with me, plays 2 sports in high school and I don't think writing a Thank You letter to his grandparents or Aunts and Uncles is going to infringe on his manlihood!!! Around here we call that well rounded. Southern Gentleman??
 
roscoe

roscoe

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Oct 30, 2002
Messages
21,786
Re: Children and Thankyous

Does your brother know that you have changed his name, and renamed his child? :p
 
E

ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
2,289
Re: Children and Thankyous

ok, 9 is alot diff than 14 :D but i guess this is why i got my dream come true - with a girl! maybe i am on the bottom of the totem pole as far as raising another guy is concerned... <br /><br />if it counts, i've raised 2 or 3 good boys from neighbors that are single moms. got 'em in eagle scouts, taught them how to hunt, fish, understand a little more, but nell ho, not writing a letter. i deal with one on one, or a phone call. i commend those who can write a letter though, you just don't have much true person there (to me).<br /><br />i guess a little $2.50 "thank you for the present, i really loved it" might do the trick though, thanx for the tip :D
 
Bassy

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Re: Children and Thankyous

I'm still enjoying the responses. Brother and I aren't the closest siblings, but that doesn't affect the gift giving. Since I brought up that his son should thank us for the gift, he's turned this into that I don't care about his son. (Remember, son is an only child with two divorced parents and brother turns every little thing into an attack on him and his son). I see my nephew once a year, maybe, but I don't see any problems, unless they're coming from Dad. Could be. Definitely possible. :mad: <br /> I love to give gifts. I just think it's time for Dad to instill in his son that he needs to thank the person that gave the present. It doesn't have to be done through the mail. Any way would be fine.<br />Bassy
 
E

ebbtide176

Commander
Joined
Jan 22, 2002
Messages
2,289
Re: Children and Thankyous

jeez thats a poor excuse for bro. i'd probably make a stmt then, so they both understand. if you know what i mean. who was it, maybe pw? who said we can't pick our family, but at least can pick our friends. <br /><br />we changed the gift budget on some children this year too. its a shame, but the parents got the mssg. they borrow & splurge, owe all of us, and the kids get more than the parents level of financial support, so i guess i can understand. i didn't expect what they now expect, so we can only hope the kids turn out with a realistic point of view...<br /><br />i don't like being too generalized so here's a story: we give to a distant kin. sometimes, many times they don't give. that doesn't make a bit of diff to us, we're older and better off. but once they came to visit when we had a big get-together at our house (unusual) . we stressed no presents, due to the situation of everyone we knew were on a tight budget. we gave out some homemade wooden gifts that i had told them we made as hobbies during the summer- not a biggie, not meant as anything more than appreciation for finally getting them to pay the trip chgs to come visit us.<br /><br />this one family mother made a big deal of it. they are living above their means and should have just been embarrassed at the most, but not make an issue. we stressed it was nothing, all of my siblings and parents and inlaws had no probs. but we gotta 'dweller' and their kids are brats.<br /><br />this was a few yrs back, kids are still brats, they actually have thrown some presents down, when not getting what they want. funny eh? anyway, they don't get much these days...<br /><br />if my sister, their granma, wants to discuss it, we will, but i've heard she gives them the lowdown already. not that it helps, so its just family, right? :D
 
S

Skinnywater

Commander
Joined
Mar 7, 2002
Messages
2,065
Re: Children and Thankyous

Last year our grandson at 6 wrote us a thankyou card. At 7, he just did again.<br />His mother, our oldest daughter, was raised well. ;) <br /><br />Bassy, since Dude writes you thank you notes he deserves gifts as long as you want to give them.<br />However, it's not teaching the 9 year old respect and thankfulness. Plus it's bothering you, and understandably so.<br />I'd stop sending gifts to the 9 year old. Instead I'd send him a simple birthday or Christmas card, until he got a clue and started thanking you for the cards. Then resume with the gifts, if you so desired. <br /><br />Dude needs to start teaching his son to be a man, instead of a spoiled brat.
 
P

plywoody

Senior Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Aug 11, 2002
Messages
685
Re: Children and Thankyous

Frankly, I think you are a bit out of line demanding a thank-you note or no further gifts.<br /><br />What good is a coerced note, anyway? Your bro is responsible for raising his kids, and it is up to him--<br /><br />Send the gifts if you wish, or not. How they respond to them is up to them. Then you can quit sending gifts if you wish if they don't properly respond. But an ultimatum is out of line, IMO.<br /><br />If he asks why the stop in gifts, tell him. Otherwise keep quiet.<br /><br />BTW, I always taught my kids to repond to gifts with thank you calls or notes, but I think I would have been pissed to get an ultimatum like this. Just my opinion.
 
POINTER94

POINTER94

Vice Admiral
Joined
Oct 12, 2003
Messages
5,031
Re: Children and Thankyous

I would also have to agree with Plywoody. Gifts should be given without strings, or they are not gifts? :confused:
 
C

crab bait

Captain
Joined
Feb 5, 2002
Messages
3,831
Re: Children and Thankyous

you give a gift .. you want a thankyou responce.. love circle complete.. life is good.. <br /><br />but reality,, you send a gift.. whatever it is,, besides explosives, heavy metal, or girly magizines,, to a 9 year old boy .. IT SUCKS..<br /><br />now they're on me to write a note.. THAT'S GIRL STUFF.. the more they say to,, i'm not.. they can't make me..!! an i'm not..!!
 
OBJ

OBJ

Supreme Mariner
Joined
Dec 27, 2002
Messages
10,161
Re: Children and Thankyous

I also have to agree woth PW on this one.<br /><br />Gift giving is because you care. If I give a gift and do not receive a "thank you", it is of no consequence to me. I just feel good in knowing that I have created a moment of joy for someone.<br /><br />And I do believe that teaching our youngsters to say thank you is appropriate. It acknowledges that you appreciate the gift and thought. <br /><br />If you don't receive a "thank you", well, just take warmth from the knowledge that you have also given some joy to someone.<br /><br />My $.02.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top