SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Buying Gifts For Men"<br /><br />Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated<br />as it is for women. Follow these rules and you<br />should have no problems.<br /><br />Rule #1:<br />When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill. It does<br />not matter if he already has one. I have a friend<br />who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a<br />man, you can never have too many cordless drills.<br />No one knows why.<br /><br />Rule #2:<br />If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything<br />with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying<br />those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your<br />ratchet?" "OK. By-the-way, are you through with<br />my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.<br /><br />Rule #3:<br />If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his<br />car, a 99 cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or<br />something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men<br />love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.<br /><br />Rule #4:<br />Never buy men bathrobes. Once I was told that<br />if G-d had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he<br />wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.<br /><br />Rule #5:<br />You can buy men new remote controls to replace<br />the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of<br />money buy your man a big-screen TV with the<br />little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as<br />he flips, and flips, and flips.<br /><br />Rule #6:<br />Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of<br />after-shave or deodorant. I'm told they do not stink -<br />they are earthy.<br /><br />Rule #7:<br />Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless<br />drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels<br />absolutely everywhere. "Socks. Shorts. Cups.<br />Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No<br />one knows why.<br /><br />Rule #8:<br />Never buy a man anything that says "some<br />assembly required" on the box. It will ruin his<br />Special Day and he will always have parts left over.<br /><br />Rule #9:<br />Good places to shop for men include Northwest<br />Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere,<br />Valley RV Center,iboats, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA<br />Auto Parts and Sears Clearance Centers are also<br />excellent men's stores.) It doesn't matter if he<br />doesn't know what it is. ("From NAPA Auto, eh?<br />Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter<br />for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! thanks.")<br /><br />Rule #10:<br />Men enjoy danger. That's why they never cook -<br />but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue<br />with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas<br />line leaks. Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who<br />wants a hamburger?"<br /><br />Rule #11:<br />Tickets to a Cowboys game are a smart gift.<br />However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A<br />Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone<br />knows why.<br /><br />Rule #12:<br />Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you<br />love a chainsaw. If you don't know why - please<br />refer to Rule #7 and what happens when he gets<br />a label maker.<br /><br />Rule #13:<br />It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an<br />aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man<br />a stepladder. It must be an extension ladder. No<br />one knows why.<br /><br />Rule #14:<br />Rope. Men love rope. It takes us back to our<br />cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts.<br />Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8"<br />manila rope. No one knows why.<br /><br />Have a good week-end. 
