SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
IT WAS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS<br /><br />It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at<br />the office. He told the florist to write "Happy Anniversary, Year<br />Number 2" on the card. I was thrilled with the flowers, but not so<br />pleased about the card. The florist had written, "Happy Anniversary.<br />You're Number 2." 
<br />WHAT A CARD!<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that<br />stated: "This bill is one year old." By return mail the lawyer received<br />his bill back, to which was attached a card which read: "Happy<br />Birthday, Bill." <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />POINT OF VIEW<br /><br />Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was<br />resting next to me on the couch with his head on my lap. I carefully<br />removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "without<br />your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."<br />"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look<br />pretty good too!" <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />LAST WISHES<br /><br />A miserly rich man was nearing the end and he called three of his<br />closest friends to his bedside: a doctor, a minister and a lawyer.<br />"They always say that you can''t take it with you," he wheezed. "But<br />I''m going to prove them wrong." He handed each of them an<br />envelope. "Inside each envelope is fifty thousand dollars, evenly<br />divided from my estate. I want each of you to throw your envelope in<br />the grave with me just before they cover me up. You are the only<br />ones I could trust to carry out my last wishes." And so saying, he<br />expired. Several days later at graveside services, they did as he<br />asked. The three friends walked away in silence. Presently the<br />clergyman spoke. "I have a confession to make," he started. "The<br />church has desperately needed some major repairs, so I kept back<br />$10,000 of the money to do it." This prompted the doctor. "I, too,<br />friends, must confess: the hospital needed a new wing, so I only<br />threw in $10,000 and have already given the rest to the building<br />fund." The lawyer stared at the two chagrined men. "Gentlemen! I<br />am shocked, and ashamed of you for keeping back part of the<br />money." He turned to leave, with a grim smile. "I'll have you know,<br />friends, that I threw in a personal check for the entire amount!" <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />THE BUMPER STICKER<br /><br />A few years ago, I caught a story on the radio about a Baptist church<br />that had a problem. It was with the Methodists down the street. Some<br />Baptists were unable to find a space in their own parking lot, because<br />members of the nearby Methodist church, which met earlier than the<br />Baptists, got there first. So the Baptist church had a problem. Now,<br />they COULD have towed the Methodist's cars away. Or, they<br />COULD have patrolled their lot Sunday mornings. Or, they COULD<br />have written a letter to the offending church members imploring<br />them to park elsewhere. But they didn't. Instead, they did something<br />else. One Sunday morning they stuck a bumper sticker to every car<br />in the lot -- Baptist and Methodist alike. They all got one. The<br />sticker read: "I'M PROUD TO BE A BAPTIST!" No more problem. <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />OPPOSITES<br /><br />A MAN advised his son to marry someone with similar interests,<br />religious beliefs and ideals. "Oh, Dad," the younger man said.<br />"You're living in the dark ages. Don't you know that opposites<br />attract?" "Listen, son," his father shot back, "just being man and<br />woman is opposite enough."
<br />WHAT A CARD!<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />A lawyer sent an overdue bill to a client. A note was attached that<br />stated: "This bill is one year old." By return mail the lawyer received<br />his bill back, to which was attached a card which read: "Happy<br />Birthday, Bill." <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />POINT OF VIEW<br /><br />Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was<br />resting next to me on the couch with his head on my lap. I carefully<br />removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "without<br />your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married."<br />"Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look<br />pretty good too!" <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />LAST WISHES<br /><br />A miserly rich man was nearing the end and he called three of his<br />closest friends to his bedside: a doctor, a minister and a lawyer.<br />"They always say that you can''t take it with you," he wheezed. "But<br />I''m going to prove them wrong." He handed each of them an<br />envelope. "Inside each envelope is fifty thousand dollars, evenly<br />divided from my estate. I want each of you to throw your envelope in<br />the grave with me just before they cover me up. You are the only<br />ones I could trust to carry out my last wishes." And so saying, he<br />expired. Several days later at graveside services, they did as he<br />asked. The three friends walked away in silence. Presently the<br />clergyman spoke. "I have a confession to make," he started. "The<br />church has desperately needed some major repairs, so I kept back<br />$10,000 of the money to do it." This prompted the doctor. "I, too,<br />friends, must confess: the hospital needed a new wing, so I only<br />threw in $10,000 and have already given the rest to the building<br />fund." The lawyer stared at the two chagrined men. "Gentlemen! I<br />am shocked, and ashamed of you for keeping back part of the<br />money." He turned to leave, with a grim smile. "I'll have you know,<br />friends, that I threw in a personal check for the entire amount!" <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />THE BUMPER STICKER<br /><br />A few years ago, I caught a story on the radio about a Baptist church<br />that had a problem. It was with the Methodists down the street. Some<br />Baptists were unable to find a space in their own parking lot, because<br />members of the nearby Methodist church, which met earlier than the<br />Baptists, got there first. So the Baptist church had a problem. Now,<br />they COULD have towed the Methodist's cars away. Or, they<br />COULD have patrolled their lot Sunday mornings. Or, they COULD<br />have written a letter to the offending church members imploring<br />them to park elsewhere. But they didn't. Instead, they did something<br />else. One Sunday morning they stuck a bumper sticker to every car<br />in the lot -- Baptist and Methodist alike. They all got one. The<br />sticker read: "I'M PROUD TO BE A BAPTIST!" No more problem. <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />OPPOSITES<br /><br />A MAN advised his son to marry someone with similar interests,<br />religious beliefs and ideals. "Oh, Dad," the younger man said.<br />"You're living in the dark ages. Don't you know that opposites<br />attract?" "Listen, son," his father shot back, "just being man and<br />woman is opposite enough." 
