Dave Abrahamson
Lieutenant
- Joined
- May 8, 2003
- Messages
- 1,497
We gotta get rid of those turbines, they're ruining aviation and our
hearing...
A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery. The air travels
through it in a straight line and doesn't pick up any of the pungent
fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.
Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from "OFF"
to "START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My
PC is harder to start.
Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You have to
seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress. On some
planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...
Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof and
start whining a little louder.
Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY
thing...
When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can
concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on
a ceiling fan: Useful, but, hardly exciting.
When you have started his round engine successfully your Crew Chief looks
up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl, too!
Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, which leads to aircrew
boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and
sounds like it's going to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the
mind!
Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.
Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps. Round
engines smell like God intended machines to smell.
hearing...
A turbine is too simple minded, it has no mystery. The air travels
through it in a straight line and doesn't pick up any of the pungent
fragrance of engine oil or pilot sweat.
Anybody can start a turbine. You just need to move a switch from "OFF"
to "START" and then remember to move it back to "ON" after a while. My
PC is harder to start.
Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. You have to
seduce it into starting. It's like waking up a horny mistress. On some
planes, the pilots aren't even allowed to do it...
Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a lady-like poof and
start whining a little louder.
Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click, BANG, more
rattles, another BANG, a big macho FART or two, more clicks, a lot more
smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a GUY
thing...
When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can
concentrate on the flight ahead. Starting a turbine is like flicking on
a ceiling fan: Useful, but, hardly exciting.
When you have started his round engine successfully your Crew Chief looks
up at you like he'd let you kiss his girl, too!
Turbines don't break or catch fire often enough, which leads to aircrew
boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and
sounds like it's going to blow any minute. This helps concentrate the
mind!
Turbines don't have enough control levers or gauges to keep a pilot's
attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during long flights.
Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman Lamps. Round
engines smell like God intended machines to smell.
