Bigprairie1
Commander
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2007
- Messages
- 2,568
Ok, this was sent to me by one of the guys off my hockey team. Funny stuff....my favourite is #20. Some of these kids should be comedy writers.
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
> collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
> These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
> across the country. Here are last year's winners:
>
> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
> gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
> like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
> guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
> those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
> speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
> temperature Canadian beef.
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
> just before it throws up.
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
> because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
> surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
> bowling ball wouldn't.
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
> filled with vegetable soup.
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
> eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
> and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
> you fry them in hot grease.
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
> the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
> left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
> at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
> 15. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
> as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
> had also never met.
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
> the East River.
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
> only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
> this plan just might work.
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
> eating for a while.
>
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
> but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
> mine or something.
>
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
> leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
> with power tools.
Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their
> collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.
> These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers
> across the country. Here are last year's winners:
>
> 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides
> gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
>
> 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances
> like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
>
> 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a
> guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of
> those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country
> speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse
> without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
>
> 4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room
> temperature Canadian beef.
>
> 5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes
> just before it throws up.
>
> 6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
>
> 7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
>
> 8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated
> because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a
> surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
>
> 9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
> bowling ball wouldn't.
>
> 10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag
> filled with vegetable soup.
>
> 11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an
> eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city
> and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
>
> 12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
>
> 13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when
> you fry them in hot grease.
>
> 14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across
> the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having
> left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka
> at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
>
> 15. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells,
> as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
>
> 16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who
> had also never met.
>
> 17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was
> the East River.
>
> 18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap,
> only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
>
> 19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
>
> 20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil,
> this plan just might work.
>
> 21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not
> eating for a while.
>
> 22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either,
> but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land
> mine or something.
>
> 23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender
> leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
>
> 24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around
> with power tools.
