Female Blonde Mortician

aspeck

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A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary, wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check. 'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'

'So I just switched the heads.' :eek:


BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING!!! :D
 

Bob_VT

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

I didn't! :D :D :D
 

Limited-Time

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

Thats just sooooooooooooooo wrong....................funny:D:D:D.................... but waaaaaaay to blonde and wrong.......................enter LF............;);):)
 

LadyFish

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

LOL :)

We can always depend on Art for goofy blonde jokes now can't we. ;)

Note to self: Find preacher jokes suitable for posting, keep a log of every blonde joke ever posted by Art aka aspeck, deliver his punishment. o:
 

Turin

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

Hahaha Lol :d :d :d :d
 

aspeck

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

LOL :)

Note to self: Find preacher jokes suitable for posting, keep a log of every blonde joke ever posted by Art aka aspeck, deliver his punishment. o:

:p:p Religious Posts are not allowed! :p:p

Did you hear the one about the blonde ...
 

Bob_VT

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

An elderly woman walked into the local country church.
The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps.
"Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely.

"The front row please." she answered.

"You really don't want to do that", the usher said.

"The pastor is really boring."

"Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired.

"No." he said.

"I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly.

"Do you know who I am?" he asked.

"No." she said.

"Good", he answered.
 

Limited-Time

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

A Blonde pastor, Blonde Nun and a Blonde Rabbi walk into a bar.............................:p;):D:D
 

642mx

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

I didn't see it coming. :eek:
 

NW Redneck

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

A blonde is walking through a national park and comes to a river. She walks up and down the bank for a while, looking for a way to get across. There's no bridges, and the river is too swift to wade across. After a while, she spots another blonde on the far bank. She hollers over to her-"Hey! How do you get to the other side?" The other blonde shouts back...................























"You dummy, you ARE on the other side!"

:D:D:D
 
D

DJ

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

Watch it guys. L-F is known to march around with certain posters heads, on a stick.;)
 

mike64

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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

A 75 year old man goes into a confessional booth. He says, "Father, I've been intimate with a beautiful 25 year old blonde twice a day for the past three weeks."

The priest says "why are you telling ME this, Mr. Jones? I happen to know you're a Presbyterian".

Mr. Jones: "Hey, I'm telling everybody!"
 

AZMinyard

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Jun 26, 2008
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Re: Female Blonde Mortician

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.

One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so
he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. He said, 'For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?'

Bill replied, 'I have been in jail.'

'Jail?' cried Sam. 'What in the world for?'

'Well,' Bill said, 'you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?'

'Yeah,' said Sam, 'I remember her. What about her?'

'Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'

'The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.'
 
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