I recently left a job I put my heart and soul into for 9 years because management had changed and the new manager was an absolute nutjob. The clinical term I found out was "office terrorist" for this kind of person. The staff were unionized and so pessimistic it was stifling, not to mention my office co-worker was a consumate lying lazy *****kisser who manipulated things with the new boss so he could get his way. I negoitiated a healthy buyout package when I left because the new boss had "constructively dismissed" me, I had to learn the legal language to realize what was happening around me and take action to retain my dignity.
I payed off all my bills and bought a new house and some toys and spent 3 months to take stock of my life and find a new job. I still occassionally have nightmares over that place and wonder what I could have done differently to change the outcome, I have come to the conclusion and have had to accept that it wasn't my fault...there are however some things I learned. Mostly what I learned is that there are things you can change and those you cannot, if those things you can't change are affecting your life in a negative way its time to move on...life is too short. Conversely if you can't change it, forget about it.
My new job has some of the same issues but they are remote from me and I work from home, I perform my job and get results...at the same time I review the performance of others to ensure I am not being taken advantage of. Many exceptional people get taken advantage of to the point where they are driven out of a job because they can't say no and either have a nervous breakdown or take it home with them and their family suffers.
Today if I am asked to perform outside my job expectations I seriously weighs the consequences of my decision, will I get rewarded? Will my co-workers retaliate for my extra work? Will the company use me to their own end and use me as a scapegoat for going beyond the call of duty? Mainly what I have learned to say is "NO!" That was the hardest part for me to learn as a person who tries their best to accomodate everyones expectations but thats reality.
So to answer your question, stop bitchin and just say no. If the lady that does not get recognized for her extra work can't say no, thats her problem. Management will have to figure out a way to accomplish the extra work without constantly relying on their best employees to go above and beyond the call of duty. In todays corporate world it is best to just keep your mouth shut and do your job, trying to change it will only get you singled out and persecuted while they adopt your idea as their own and claim ownership while you reap the consequences of stepping out of line.
Some may call that pessimism, I call it realism...been around long enough to see what happens at too many companies to know otherwise. Just remember its their problem not yours, failure to solve their problems does not make you a bad employee...just one doing his job without bitchin about it.
Another piece of advice, those people you talk to at work that you think are your friends when you talk "off the record" are just people you know not "friends"...there is no such thing at work and I would be very careful about what you say to any of them. I have run into too many backstabbers to trust any work "friend" with anything that runs through my mind. Consider everything you say to be "on the record" as it will be passed on as such. I have seen many people get screwed over by their employer because they confided in someone at work even regarding personal issues that were no body's business but their own. Don't be a sucker, look out for yourself and don't fall into the traps set out for you. None of those folks who employ you are looking out for your well being and neither are those below you, harden up and buck up...thats life.
Sorry if this sounds harsh but I would hate for you to continue to be disillussioned like I was for many years. No job is worth one minute of your sorrow, there are many fish in the sea and just like marriage it is not worth staying in an unhealthy relationship. I think the fact that you have such a high turnover at your current employment is a sign of the problem, before I left my last job the best and brightest in our department all left before I did...that should have been a clue to me but I didn't get the hint and kept on trying. It was a waste of my time and in the end didn't accomplish a thing.
The fact that your posting this here tells me your trying to figure it out for yourself and need help, sit down with your wife and write up the positives and negatives about your current job and see which list is longer. Then look at those negatives and see how you could change your behaviour so they are no longer your problem and take action, you may need to act slowly on these at work to avoid being singled out...be careful. The hardest part is when the lists are the same length and you can't change anything in the "bad" list.
Just remember there is no perfect job even if you work for yourself.
Good luck.
