THOUGHTS <br />> > > <br />> > > <br />> > > 1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, <br />> > > I can't even get into my own pants. <br />> > > <br />> > > 2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a <br />> > > relative. <br />> > > <br />> > > 3. I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. <br />> > > So I said, "Implants?" She hit me. <br />> > > <br />> > > 4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. <br />> > > <br />> > > 5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..." <br />> > > <br />> > > 6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here. <br />> > > <br />> > > 7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a <br />> > > moaner. <br />> > > <br />> > > 8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? <br />> > > <br />> > > 9. I don't approve of political jokes. <br />> > > I've seen too many of them get elected. <br />> > > <br />> > >10. There are two sides to every divorce: Your's and bonehead's. <br />> > > <br />> > >11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person <br />> > > you want to annoy for the rest of your life. <br />> > > <br />> > >12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect. <br />> > > <br />> > >13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of <br />> > > consecutive days I've stayed alive. <br />> > > <br />> > >14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president <br />> > > and 50 for Miss America? <br />> > > <br />> > >15. Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like <br />> > > having a peeing section in a swimming pool? <br />> > > <br />> > >16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see <br />> > > naked? <br />> > > <br />> > >17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled. <br />> > > <br />> > >18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: <br />> > > "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
