><br />> If you remember their old "Who's on First" routine, you will love<br />> this.<br />><br />><br />> ABBOTT: Fry's Electronics. Can I help you?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm<br />> thinking<br />><br />> of buying a computer.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Mac?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Your computer?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Mac?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: What about Windows?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Wallpaper.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?<br />><br />> COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write<br />><br />> proposals track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you<br />got?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Office.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: I just did.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: You just did what?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Recommended something.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: You recommended something?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Yes.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: For my office?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Yes.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Office.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Office for Windows.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's<br />> say<br />><br />> I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I<br />> need?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Word.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of<br />words.<br />> But<br />><br />> what program do I load?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Word.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: What word?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: The Word in Office.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"<br />><br />> ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a<br />> straight<br />><br />> answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I<br />> want to<br />><br />> watch a movie over the Internet?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Real One.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none<br />of<br />> your<br />><br />> business. But what do I need to watch it?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Real One.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two,<br />> three and<br />><br />> four. Can I watch reel four?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Of course.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Great! With what?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Real One.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a<br />> movie.<br />><br />> What do I do?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: The blue 1.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: What word?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"<br />><br />> ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: It is?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left.<br />> It<br />><br />> pretty much wiped out all the other Words.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: No. Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't<br />even<br />> part<br />><br />> of Office.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again.<br />But<br />> I<br />><br />> also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you<br />> have<br />><br />> to help me track my money?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Money.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Money.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Money.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra<br />charge?<br />> How<br />><br />> much money do I get?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Just one copy.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of<br />Money.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but<br />I'll<br />> still<br />><br />> need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Money.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: You sell money?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for<br />> free.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business.<br />> Do you<br />><br />> have any software for, you know, accounting?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: M..Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home<br />> business. You<br />><br />> know--accounting? You do it with money.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need<br />> more.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: More money?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for<br />> the<br />><br />> moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash.<br />> And if<br />><br />> my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: GoBack.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need<br />> something<br />><br />> to restore my data. What do you recommend?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: GoBack.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was<br />> GoBack.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay,<br />> I'll go<br />><br />> back. What do I need to write a proposal?<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Word.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows.<br />><br />> COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.<br />><br />> ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me?<br />Oh,<br />><br />> well. Fry's Electronics. Can I help you?
