Advise needed on talking to a sybling

[ehenry]

Friends, my parents are both up in their 80's. Pop is 87 will be 88 on Thursday and Mamma is 84. Both are in excellent health. Pop plays 18 to 36 holes of golf 4 days a week, walking 18 and riding the next 18. Mamma walks a couple miles a day morning and afternoon.<br /><br />The advise I need is...Pop had a couple fairly big oak trees cut around his house and was going to have the man that cut the trees haul all the wood away since Pop didnt want any of it for firewood. Well, one of my sisters kids, a 28 year old attorney mentioned that his mother wanted to have some of the wood for firewood and this is a huge problem with me. Now my Daddy is worried about getting the wood split and hauled out of his yard so my sister can have it. Pop has come and gotten my splitting wedges and maul so he can split the wood for my sister. I pleased and happy that he's healthy enough to get out and do this....He doesn't need to be doing it.<br /><br />How can I get this message across to my sister and her son so as not to hurt their feelings. All suggestions will be appreciated.

 

[QC]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Why don't you guys throw a mini family reunion, wood splitting party? Eliminates the confrontation and may actually remind your sister and nephew about these things for the future.

 

[Parrott_head]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

I agree with Quitecat.<br /><br />Call your sister, she may not even be aware that your father has taken it upon himself to do the grunt work. You can offer to help split the wood or put her and your nephew in touch with some one that will split and stack the wood for shares.<br /><br />Pretty common around here to have folks clear your land for a percentage of the wood cut. I'm sure you have folks in Mississippi that do the same.<br /><br />An 88 yo does not need to be banging away with a splitting maul. One slip and a leg is gashed pretty bad. Tough to recover at that age.

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Surely, your sister would be equally concerned about your father risking injury to himself or worse at his age. This is really not the type of work someone his age should be doing.<br /><br />I would simply tell her of your concern and ask if there is some other way for them to haul it off and have it split in order to avoid the extra work for your Father. And if it could be done within the next few days or so. Then have her call him and tell him NOT to pursue splitting it that they have it taken care of.<br /><br />Its really generous of your Father to want to do this for them, but its really not his responsibility or worry. Her son should be splitting it if anybody should.<br /><br />Good Luck!

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

He can't split the wood if his splitting maul comes up missing. I did that with stuff that I didn't want my father to do. Of course the tools showed up after the hard work was over.<br /><br />I miss those days of helping my dad out. It wasn't always pleasant, but now he is gone and even a bad time would be nice to have right now to cherish.<br /><br />Count your lucky stars EF to have your parents around and still be able to fend for themselves. That is real great! Just gotta love those seniors,,,,,,,even JB!

 

[ehenry]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Ladyfish hit the nail sqarely on the head ! ! ! My sisters son should have his young attorney butt over there doing all the work since it was him that even brought it up to his mother.<br /><br />SS, I do count my blessings everyday that my parents are here with us. Dont for one minute think I dont.

 

[Vlad D Impeller]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Get the man that haul the trees to cut it up and take it over to your sisters place, let him present the bill to the 28 year old attorney. end of story. your pop needs to go and do some fishing or walk the two miles with mama

 

[ehenry]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

VLad, Pops plan all along was to let the guy that cut the trees down haul everything off until the kid opened his mouth. I"ve sent word to him that he need to take some time off and him and his daddy beat a trail to my folks house to bust and haul the wood away from there.

 

[vipzach]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

I think how you approach this depends on you and the sis relationship. <br />If you talk often and can freely say what you think, then you just need to flat out tell her that her son needs to handle this himself or pay someone to get it! <br />If you have to, go make the tools disappear until her son realizes that an 80+ year old grandfather does not deserve to do all that work for him!

 

[vipzach]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Originally posted by efhenry:<br /> <br /> Well, one of my sisters kids, a 28 year old attorney mentioned that his mother wanted to have some of the wood for firewood <br />

Now I'm confused, who is this kid? Your nephew?

 

[ehenry]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Yeah the boy is my sisters kid. He told her about the wood and that it was going to be hauled off. THats when she said she wanted it for firewood.

 

[vipzach]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Originally posted by efhenry:<br /> Yeah the boy is my sisters kid. He told her about the wood and that it was going to be hauled off. THats when she said she wanted it for firewood.

OK, I would still tell one or both of them that your Dad doesn't desrve to do all the and if still want him to do it all......make the tools disappear!!! Shoot, they are getting it for FREE, they should put a little effort into getting it!<br />Just my two cents!!<br /><br />My Dad is not the age of yours, but I wouldn't let him do all the work for me or my brothers/sister!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

It never ceases to amaze me that when there is free firewood to be had, there is always someone who wants it, but no one who wants to do the necessary work it takes to split it, haul it and stack it.<br /><br />I hope your sister amd nephew come to their good senses and take care of it properly and spare your Father all this hard work.<br /><br />28 vs 88? Oh yeah. Good Luck!

 

[ehenry]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

With all the wood thats on the ground from the hurricanes I can't imagine her wanting this wood thats here at my folks house. She lives in Ruston Louisiana and is going to have to haul it. All they can haul is a truck load and considering the distance she's not going to save any money.

 

[vipzach]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Line her out EF, it might make her mad, but somebody needs to talk sense into her because she just doesn't get it. She will hopefully realize that you are right!!

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

Save money ? Probably not. Save herself the work? Yes.<br /><br />You see I think someone is playing dumb here. Dumb like a fox. She more than likely figured that it will be all split, stacked and delivered to her doorstep and then unloaded and stacked again.

 

[jtexas]

Re: Advise needed on talking to a sybling

if you're worried that mentioning it will get your sister's panties all in a wad, only way I can see to do it is: <br />* avoid using the word "you" - don't say "don't you care about Daddy?" or "what were you thinking?"<br />* use "I" statements like "I have a problem" and "I'm concerned about Daddy's health & doing all that hard work."<br />* avoid telling 'em what to do. Instead try asking "I'm worried he might get hurt - can you think of a way to keep him from doing that?"<br /><br />Be prepared for her to disagree, and decide in advance that if she does, whether to have a knock-down drag-out, or else do the work yourself or hire somebody.<br /><br />good luck - ain't this how family stuff usually goes?