All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

JGREGORY

Lieutenant
Joined
Jun 1, 2003
Messages
1,412
> Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate<br />> my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.<br />><br />> On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the<br />> truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had<br />> sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to<br />> coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to<br />> explain the bandage on the top of my head.<br />><br />> The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to<br />> adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new aquisition was no problem.<br />><br />> Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my<br />> wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. "Honey! The garbage disposal<br />> is dead again. Please come reset it."<br />><br />> "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower<br />> pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"<br />><br />> "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me<br />> in?"<br />><br />> There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a<br />> second."<br />><br />> So out I came, dripping wet and buck *****, hoping that my silent<br />> outraged n*dity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior<br />> as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head<br />> under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember<br />> performing.<br />><br />> It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.<br />> No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal<br />> teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling<br />> objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the<br />> corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise<br />> moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I<br />> unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost<br />> all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising<br />> at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from<br />> my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a fight or<br />> flight syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight"<br />> option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the<br />> air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent.<br />> The impact knocked me out cold.<br />><br />> When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not<br />> many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen<br />> floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-here,<br />> done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife,<br />> the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their<br />> work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical<br />> laughter.......and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all.<br />><br />> A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where<br />> colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I<br />> kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was.<br />><br />> "What's the matter?" they all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"<br />><br />> If they only knew!
 

KennyKenCan

Commander
Joined
Aug 26, 2002
Messages
2,501
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

:D :D I can't stop laughing!! :D :D <br /><br /> :D Did this really happen? :D <br /><br />Well, if it did, then I'm glad it happened to you and not me!<br /><br />I can't stop laughing!!
 

THE-TAZ

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Jan 3, 2003
Messages
163
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

Laughing so hard it hurts, :D :D :D :p <br /><br />Taz
 

JGREGORY

Lieutenant
Joined
Jun 1, 2003
Messages
1,412
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

No did not happen to me. But was sent to me by my friend. :D :D
 

gonfishn

Commander
Joined
May 16, 2002
Messages
2,390
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

It could happen to you..I must say as a retired paramedic I have never encountered that situation before...By this time every Squad unit in your town knows of your misfortune and are LTAO...It will be told around the squad tables for years to come...You will a very famous person now..Hospital ERs will be talking about you when things get a little boring..you da man...If its ok with you I think I'll will post this in my old squad room.. :D :D
 

gonfishn

Commander
Joined
May 16, 2002
Messages
2,390
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

Now he tells me... :(
 

JGREGORY

Lieutenant
Joined
Jun 1, 2003
Messages
1,412
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

Gonfishn, Please post it, It came from a reliable source so I do not doubt its validity.<br /><br />I am not dumb either the first thing we did to our 2 cats was have them declawed. :D :D :D
 

Scoop

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Jul 19, 2002
Messages
1,158
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

LMAO. :D
 

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

That was absolutely hilarious! Laughed and laughed! :D
 

SpinnerBait_Nut

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Aug 25, 2002
Messages
17,651
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

Boy, I can't wait for Ray's response to this one. :D <br /><br />I have heard of hair balls before but that takes the cake. :D
 

tylerin

Commander
Joined
Jul 25, 2003
Messages
2,368
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

Cats love them "DINGLEBERRIES"
 

RICKRICK1

Ensign
Joined
Jun 24, 2002
Messages
926
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

ROFLMAO :D <br /><br />I hate cats, now I know why.
 

Homerr

Commander
Joined
Mar 4, 2002
Messages
2,294
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

I 2nd. that:<br /><br />ROFLMFAO !<br /><br />Just when you think you had a bad day.<br /><br />H.
 

aspeck

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
May 29, 2003
Messages
19,278
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

OMG! Another reason why I hate cats!
 

Ross J

Lieutenant Junior Grade
Joined
Nov 30, 2001
Messages
1,119
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

Another way to make a cat bark - just put it through the garbage disposal grinder, "Woof" and it's gone.........<br />I've always held to the point that cats make the best live bait for sharks........<br />We've got three of the wee buggars and my wife counts them every day.......<br />Ross
 

GodsBeast

Chief Petty Officer
Joined
Jul 12, 2003
Messages
502
Re: All you cat people should get a kick out of this!!!!

JGregory, I laughed so hard at this, I think they are trying to have me commited! I guess I will have to let them read this one! :D
 
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