SlowlySinking
Master Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2002
- Messages
- 897
Only the Irish have jokes like these:<br /><br />Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy O'Murphy, orders 4 pints, takes a sip from one, then the next and finally the last, this continues until all 3 are empty and one is full, Paddy leaves. Next day, same thing, 4 pints, drinks 3 and leaves one, this goes on for days until one day the bar keep says to Paddy, "Paddy, if you ordered one pint at a time they would be a bit fresher when you finish the third, and what's the deal with the 4th pint", Paddy responds, "me brothers and I drank a pint every day for 25 years, now one moved to the US, one to Canada, and one to Australia, when we parted we promised to continue this pint a day every day; well, me and the ole lady found religion and I gave up drinking, BUT, me brothers didn't. <br /><br />An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the<br />road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"<br />"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.<br />"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."<br />"I only had one drink officer,,,,,one after another and another," the drunk says with a smile.<br />"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of<br />your car?"<br />"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."<br /><br />==================================================<br /><br />Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin'<br />to tell ya".<br /><br />"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome<br />, Tim. But where's my husband?"<br /><br />"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."<br /><br />"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."<br /><br />"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."<br /><br />Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"<br /><br />"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."<br /><br />"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"<br /><br />"Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."<br /><br />==================================================<br /><br />Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"<br /><br />She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."<br /><br />The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"<br /><br />She says, "That he did, Father."<br /><br />The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" <br />She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun...'<br /><br />==================================================AND THE BEST FOR LAST <br /><br />A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a<br />confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sits there.<br />Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin; there's no paper on this side either." 
