Autopsy Q & A(Funny)

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

"Autopsy Q & A"<br /><br />Your Doctor has scheduled you for an autopsy<br />on March 20, 2004 at Whenever AM/PM.<br /><br />St. Amgems Hospital wants you to be prepared for<br />what should be an eventful time. This guide should<br />answer the most common questions in regard to<br />your procedure. Please call your doctor's office if<br />you have any further questions. Please remember,<br />autopsies are performed on an "as needed"<br />procedure. If you, or a qualified Medical Examiner<br />chooses to cancel your autopsy, the Pathology<br />department requires 24 hours notice.<br /><br />Q: What is an autopsy?<br /><br />As advanced as medical science is, sometimes we<br />need more thorough procedures to find out why your<br />living status has been impaired. An autopsy can<br />include CAT scans, X-rays, and surgical evaluation.<br /><br />Q: Will it involve Surgery?<br /><br />Yes. At times when there is a lack of obvious<br />traumatic impact, surgery is needed. Your doctor<br />may wish to examine your vital organs. This involves<br />removal of the organs for the purpose of study. The<br />contents of your stomach will also be examined, so<br />we urge you not to take anything by mouth for 12<br />(twelve) hours before cessation of your existence or<br />the procedure.<br /><br />Q: Will it hurt?<br /><br />We certainly hope not. If at any time you're feeling<br />uncomfortable, please feel free to alert the pathologist.<br /><br />Q: What should I bring?<br /><br />We recommend a very large, empty suitcase. Ideally,<br />your family should sign a "permission for disposal"<br />form. If this has been done, you'll be provided with<br />an effects bag and all unwanted matter will be<br />disposed of in a device affectionately known as<br />"Chuckie." It can also be helpful for you to bring<br />anything that might have contributed to your current<br />condition. This can include any drugs containers<br />from medications you might have ingested.<br /><br />Q: When can I return to work?<br /><br />Not for a while. We suggest you worry about this<br />after your autopsy.<br /><br />Q: Will I have a scar?<br /><br />We take vanity in consideration. You may have<br />a large "Y" shaped incision on your torso. There<br />may also be some scalp incisions that can be<br />covered by a competent professional.<br /><br />We at St. Amgems want your autopsy to be a<br />positive experience and promise to treat your<br />earthly remains with dignity and respect. Please refer to our<br />brochures "Cadaver's Bill of rights" and "So You're<br />Dead. What Next?" for more information.<br /><br />Remember, here at St. Amgems, our day starts<br />when yours ends.