Carl and the Probation Officer

[SS MAYFLOAT]

We finally had our meeting with the PO. Nice big guy that can intimidate the heck out of anyone. Didn't bother Carl at all, got is his face to. The PO just told him to live by the rules and everything will be okay. Carl got mad and was raising his voice and just showing disrespect big time. The PO just said we can end this now (as he was picking up his phone) or I can call the sheriff to come in and take you on to Juvie now. It doesn't matter to me, but it might to your dad. Now which is it. <br /><br />Carl settled right down. My thoughts was that he was going to be trouble tonight. For the last two nights, Carl has been behaving as one should. Just wonder how long its going to last.<br /><br />My foot is down and planted, Carl is seeing Dad isn't going to take his crap anymore! <br /><br />Thought I would update you.....

 

[GodsBeast]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Sounds like you and the P.O. are on the same page. Glad the big guy didn't use his size, and used the Firm tactic of just picking up the phone and giving him the choice of how he wanted it. Really inforces the fact that his decisions have consequences. <br /><br />Keep it up SS, dig your feet down like a batter at the plate. You may just hit a home run!

 

[bubbakat]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Stick with it SS and don't hesitate to call the po the boy needs to learn to play by the rules and sounds like you have the right weapons to do it with. Don't work defense anymore you look good on the offense.

 

[Elmer Fudge]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Way to go SS,dig your heels in and don't back off for nothing,he will be pushing back for a while,but when he realizes that he's pushing at brick wall, he's sure to come to his senses.<br />I can't say that i was that much of a headache when i was that age,but i sure do remember my grandmother,she was a strong woman,she had a rule it was "when i say jump,don't even ask how high", i once remember my brother who was two years younger having to go outback and pick his own switch.<br />What ever happened to those days?

 

[BrianFD]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Movin' in the right direction, SS! I'm happy for you!<br />Be prepared for some setbacks; as long as you expect them, they won't take you by surprise. But is sounds like things might be turning around! Thanks for sharing... for a while, it looked pretty bleak. Glad to hear your good news!

 

[tylerin]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Glad to hear some good news SS, I'm one of those guys that thinks kids want boundries. Good luck and keep us informed

 

[Xcusme]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Elmer,<br />I too had a very strong grandmother, she had to be, she raised 5 kids! She wasn't in the habit of chewing her cabbage twice either. She told my twin sister and me NOT to sit on the curb. We sat on the curb. We never heard her coming. There isn't a Kung Fu Master , ever born, that could wield a switch like my grandmother. She held us BOTH with one hand , and went to town , with the other. I can tell you this, I never sat on the curb again! Truth be told, it was hard to sit anywhere after that episode !<br /><br />We lived in Florida for a short time when I was a kid. My sister and I had both finished drinking a bottle of soda. We planned on returning the 2 bottles for the deposit and buy penny candy. My sister picked up both bottles, but my bottle slipped , fell and broke. I protested, Sis said, "Hey, that's too bad that your bottle broke, I still have mine" My grandmother was washing dishes, and thru the open window saw what had happened. She bolted from the kitchen, thru the front door and approached my sister. She grabbed her bottle and handed it to me, saying , "There, now things are right". Naturally my sister complained. Granny spun on her heals, walked back and said, "You took the RESPONSIBILITY for his bottle when you picked it up, since you broke his, you owe him YOUR bottle"<br /><br />Needless to say, I was blown away at the wisdom of this woman. It took my sister years to see the reasoning of these events. <br /><br />BTW, I did return the last bottle, bought penny candy, and split it with my sister.<br />( Although I didn't have too !! the little SNOT !! ) Don't get me wrong, I do love my sister to pieces.<br /><br />The point of all this is that there are consequences for what we do or don't do. There are lessons to be learned. Value systems to be passed on. If those values and boundaries are not set and those lessons not learned in small pieces when we are young, we will learn them in big chunks when we get older. <br /><br />I guess I'm from the 'Old School' . Show your kids love, set boundaries , and be consistant. Changing the ground rules, when it's inconvenient to enforce them, only serves to confuse and bewilder them. It doesn't do much for your credibility either which makes things harder in the long run.<br /><br />SS<br /><br />I don't envy your position, but I think you're doing the right thing. Everyone needs help at some time or another, I'm glad you found some. I'm sure your boy will realize that bad behavior will not be tolerated, by you now , or by society later. I'm sure you did the best you could for your son, but sometimes, despite all of your best efforts, some kids just need to learn the rules the hard way. Hang in there and be strong. Your sense of resolve will not go unnoticed.<br /><br />Good Luck , I wish you well.

 

[SS MAYFLOAT]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Last night was a good night, no fighting, arguing, and overall good.<br /><br />It is scary though, almost like the calm before the storm. That has me troubled, but I will be the one to prevail on any upcoming struggles.<br /><br />Thanks

 

[ehenry]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

SS, I must have missed it or don't remember but how old is this kid? Just curious.

 

[JGREGORY]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

SS, I just read your other post to get the story and all I can say is WOW. <br /><br />You Got some great advice and I have nothing to add except the clan from Jersey is thinking about you.<br /><br />It almost makes you think though. If parents could be tougher and be able to discipline kids w/o fear of the Div. of youth and family services or being prosecuted would parents have as much trouble with their teen kids or not. I know when I was growing up I was more afraid of my parents then of anything the law would or could do. <br /><br />I remember stealing a candy bar from a local shop when I was 12 My father took me by the ear down to the shop made me confess and for a month I had to work for him for nothing doing the dirtiest jobs around, Taking out the garbage, clean the drains, mop and sweep the floors. NEVER did that again.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

jg, I agree with ya on that. I was probably about 5 or 6 when I stole a piece of penny candy. Got by backside tanned but good, then had to go to the store, apologizes, pay them, and give back the unused portion of the fruit chews. Man, talk about embarassed and sore! Never had the desire to take anything again.<br /><br />I love my parents to death - wish dad was still with us - always have. But man did I fear them also! I never doubted their love for me, but man could they swing a paddle. There were times I thought that Dad should have played major league baseball, what a swing he had!<br /><br />Keep hanging in there SS - glad to hear there is a breaking. Will continue to pray for you and Carl!

 

[Mr.Ladyfish]

Re: Carl and the Probation Officer

Hang in there SS. I know it's hard to do. We had about 3 years of pure hell with our daughter but we stuck to our guns and she eventually grew out of it. Today she is a wife & mother. She is very good at both. She also has returned to being a wonderful daughter and a joy to be around. For several years every time LF or I got a birthday or Christmas or mother/father day card it had a long written apology for everything she put us through. We finally had to tell her to stop. That we had forgiven her long ago and that she had no reason to keep apologizing. Her reponse was that she felt so guilty it was on her mind all the time. We hugged her and told her that it was just part of growing up. Things have been great since. They do grow up and they do realize what they have done. It's all a part of maturing.