Bassy
Lieutenant Commander
- Joined
- Aug 15, 2003
- Messages
- 1,795
Christmas Arkansas Style<br /> <br />Twas the night before Christmas,<br />and all through the shack,<br />not a thing was a movin',<br />from the front to the back,<br /> <br />The kids were in bed,<br />I believe we had nine,<br />The wife in her curlers,<br />was lookin' real fine.<br /> <br />A cold wind was blowin',<br />up the holler it moaned,<br />All seven dogs on the porch<br />howled and groaned.<br /> <br />The boys were all dreamin'<br />of weapons and guns,<br />for killin' God's creatures,<br />there's no better fun.<br /> <br />The girls in their feminine<br />dreams were attuned,<br />to getting those gallons<br />of Wal-Mart perfume.<br /> <br />The wife wanted jewelry,<br />like rings with big rocks,<br />I wanted my Chevy,<br />down off the blocks.<br /> <br />Then in the yard,<br />such a noise did commence,<br />like something was caught,<br />in the barb-wire fence.<br /> <br />I ran to the window,<br />and saw pretty quick,<br />the man makin' the racket,<br />was Good Ol' St. Nick.<br /> <br />You may think of Santa,<br />in your own mind's eye,<br />dressed in a red and white suit,<br />But I've got a surprise.<br /> <br />That old boy's an Arkie,<br />our fair state he won't fail'er,<br />He married his cousin,<br />and they live in a trailer.<br /> <br />On Christmas, of course,<br />a sleigh for his rig,<br />He hooks the thing up,<br />to a razorback pig.<br /> <br />He climbed on the roof,<br />with his bag full of goodies,<br />He backed down the fireplace,<br />all dirty and sooty.<br /> <br />Fat legs in his britches,<br />chubby hands in his mittens,<br />I admit from the back,<br />he looked like Bill Clinton.<br /> <br />He turned toward the tree,<br />His eyes all aglow,<br />He was a Southern boy,<br />from his head to his toe.<br /> <br />His neck was a red one,<br />His shirt said "Light Beer",<br />there was no red hat,<br />his cap read,"John Deere".<br /> <br />He left all the presents,<br />with an air of delight,<br />Then it was back to the chimney,<br />and into the night.<br /> <br />He ran into the yard,<br />and threw his bag in the sleigh,<br />Then he yelled at the dogs,<br />to get out of the way.<br /> <br />And I heard him exclaim,<br />as those pigs took to flight,<br />Merry Christmas to all,<br />And to all ...A "bud lite" 
