roscoe
Supreme Mariner
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2002
- Messages
- 21,780
DEMOCRAT<br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />Your neighbor has none. <br /><br />You feel guilty for being successful. <br /><br />Barbara Streisand sings for you. <br /><br /> <br /><br />SOCIALIST <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. <br /><br />You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. <br /><br /> <br /><br />REPUBLICAN <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />Your neighbor has none. <br /><br />So?<br /><br /> <br /><br />COMMUNIST <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />The government seizes both and provides you with milk. <br /><br />You wait in line for hours to get it. <br /><br />It is expensive and sour. <br /><br /> <br /><br />CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. <br /><br /> <br /><br />DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. <br /><br /> <br /><br />BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. <br /><br /> <br /><br />AMERICAN CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. <br /><br />You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. <br /><br />You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. <br /><br />Your stock goes up. <br /><br /> <br /><br />FRENCH CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />You go on strike because you want three cows. <br /><br />You go to lunch. <br /><br />Life is good. <br /><br /> <br /><br />JAPANESE CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. <br /><br />They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. <br /><br />Most are at the top of their class at cow school. <br /><br /> <br /><br />GERMAN CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. <br /><br /> <br /><br />ITALIAN CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two cows but you don't know where they are. <br /><br />While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. <br /><br />You break for lunch. <br /><br />Life is good. <br /><br /> <br /><br />RUSSIAN CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two cows. <br /><br />You have some vodka. <br /><br />You count them and learn you have five cows. <br /><br />You have some more vodka. <br /><br />You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. <br /><br />The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. <br /><br /> <br /><br /> <br /><br />TALIBAN CORPORATION <br /><br />You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. <br /><br />You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. <br /><br />Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital. <br /><br /> <br /><br />POLISH CORPORATION <br /><br />You have two bulls. <br /><br />Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. <br /><br /> <br /><br />FLORIDA CORPORATION <br /><br />You have a black cow and a brown cow. <br /><br />Everyone votes for the best looking one. <br /><br />Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. <br /><br />Some people vote for both. <br /><br />Some people vote for neither. <br /><br />Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. <br /><br />Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow. <br /><br /> <br /><br />NEW YORK CORPORATION <br /><br />You have fifteen million cows. <br /><br />You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
