Dear Dogs

[SpinnerBait_Nut]

When I say to move, it means go someplace else,<br />not switch positions with each other so there are<br />still two dogs in the way.<br /><br />The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain<br />your food. The other dishes are mine and contain<br />my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the<br />middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim<br />for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that<br />aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.<br /><br />The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not<br />a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the<br />object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster<br />than you can run.<br /><br />I can not buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I<br />am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue<br />to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look<br />at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up<br />in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to<br />each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.<br />I also know that sticking tails straight out and having<br />tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space<br />used is nothing but doggy sarcasm.<br /><br />When I am playing the pinball machine, jumping up<br />and trying to grab the ball through the glass is not<br />helpful. Barking at me because I'm not helping you<br />achieve your goal does not win you any extra brownie<br />points.<br /><br />My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.<br /><br />For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the<br />bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and<br />manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to<br />claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw<br />under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must<br />exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I<br />have been using bathrooms for years, canine<br />attendance is not mandatory.<br /><br />The proper order is kiss me, then go smell other<br />dogs butt. I can not stress this enough. It would be<br />such a simple change for you guys to make.<br /><br />Have a good weekend.

 

[FLATHEAD]

Re: Dear Dogs

Good one spinner and how true. <br /><br />Just yesterday my old dog was laying right at the bottom of the stairs. Down came the wife carrying a wash basket and never saw the old girl, well before I could stop it she stepped right on the dog, All hell broke loose and when it was over it was wash, wife,and dog on the floor, nobody hurt but the dog was none too happy about the butt chewing she got.

 

[JB]

Re: Dear Dogs

 

[roscoe]

Re: Dear Dogs

Smart people have learned the above lessons, and have banished the dogs to the exterior of the home.

 

[SoulWinner]

Re: Dear Dogs

Roscoe,<br /><br />For shame!! Doggies are people too, and nicer to be around than 9/10's of the two legged variety of people. Bring those puppies inside and love on them! You'll be so glad you did

 

[roscoe]

Re: Dear Dogs

Ain't got no doggies.<br />Haven't had one in 30 years. <br />I could never get over the drool or <br />"the lick my but then your face deal."<br />Or the barking.<br />Or the yard doodie, I mean duty.<br />Or the neighbor kids taking them out of their kennel.<br />Or the farting.<br /><br />You get the idea, I'm not a dog person.<br />And most dogs hate me.<br />I've had a number of friends' dogs, go into full attack mode, just by seeing me.<br />I wish they would really tear into me, I'm looking for a sure win lawsuit.

 

[Jwill]

Re: Dear Dogs

Dogs can be your best friend if you just let em.<br />When you make a dog part of the family he will be your loyal friend for life.<br />These dumb arses that throw their dog in the back yard and never spend any time with it are idiots and shouldn't own dogs. <br />A dogs life revolves around its owner and when the owner doesn't spend anytime with him he's gonna turn into an undesirable and off to the pound he goes. If I could send off all the undesirable humans that I know off to be killed their wouldn't be to many people left.<br />Man domesticated dogs for his own conveniences.<br />Now the selfish man kills 60,000,000 dogs a year while the jails are full of worthless scum that shouldn't be walking the earth.<br />If a dog bites somebody they are sent off to be killed and if a human kills somebody 99% of the time they are locked up and cared for.<br />It sounds like we humans have our prioritys mixed up.

 

[JoeW]

Re: Dear Dogs

Good one SBN! <br />What gets my goat is when my lab whines to go outside, then when I open the door he looks at me like Aren't you comming with me?

 

[Link]

Re: Dear Dogs

Spinner_bait Nut <br />Had to send that one off to all my friends.. so true. <br />My wife and I love all animals that are Gods Creation's.. They all have a different flavor! <br />Two exceptions: Cats (which God sent to H3ll) then clawed thier back up to earth! And Chickens which taste like everything else! <br />Who needs that? I could go to Micky D's<br /><br />Anyway 20 years ago I brought home two puppies.. they bonded with us and became part of our household.. They also had a lot of respect for Moma Cat! She Ruled the house! A few years later when both dogs were between 120-140 pounds, they still would not walk over her to go inside or outside the house! And yes she would lay right in the door.. Well by this time we had put two beds together to hold both dogs and the cat with us.<br /><br />One night (a friday when we both had the next day off) about 2am I was at the radio desk talking with other friends (Ham) I hear this awefull crash and words comming from my wifes mouth! She seldom swears.. but my dog 140 lbs strecthed out and pushed her off the bed (120 lbs) in a dead sleep.. ewww she threw him out of the bedroom and put us both on the couch for a week )<br />We just yesterday had a good laugh about that! <br /><br />Good story<br />Link

 

[rolmops]

Re: Dear Dogs

Good one sbn.<br />The solution to your problem is called border collie.They are about twice as smart as any other dog on the block.Plus they like to be a bit independent.I've had them for years as cattle dogs and, after my herd was destroyed, as pets.They are hard to beat as dogs.