- Joined
- May 29, 2003
- Messages
- 19,259
NICKNAMES<br /> If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose.<br /> If Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> EATING OUT<br /> When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit they want change back.<br /> When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------------------<br />ARGUMENTS<br />A woman has the last word in any argument.<br />Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.<br /> -------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> CATS<br /> Women love cats.<br /> Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> FUTURE<br /> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.<br /> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.<br /><br />----------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> BATHROOMS<br /> A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.<br />The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.<br />A man would not be able to identify most of these items.<br /><br />------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> SUCCESS<br /> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.<br /> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> MONEY<br /> A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.<br /> A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> MARRIAGE<br /> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.<br /> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.<br /><br />-------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> NATURAL<br /> Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.<br /> Women somehow deteriorate during the night.<br /><br />------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> DRESSING UP<br /> A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.<br /> A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.<br /><br />------------------------------------------------------------------------<br /><br /> OFFSPRING<br /> Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.<br /> A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.<br />---------------------------------------------------------------------<br /> THOUGHT FOR THE DAY<br /> Any married man should forget his mistakes.<br /> There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
