SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Motherhood"<br /><br />Esther Cohen had three very active boys.<br />One summer evening she was playing cops<br />and robbers in the back yard after dinner with<br />them. One of the boys "shot" his mother and<br />yelled, "Bang! You're dead."<br /><br />She slumped to the ground and when she<br />didn't get up right away, a neighbor ran over<br />to see if she had been hurt in the fall.<br /><br />When the neighbor bent over, the overworked<br />mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't<br />give me away. It's the only chance I've had to<br />rest all day."<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"A Lot of Kids"<br /><br />I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers.<br /><br />One night I was chatting with my Mom about how<br />she had changed as a mother from the first child<br />to the last.<br /><br />She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years:<br /><br />"When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I<br />called the ambulance."<br /><br />"When your youngest brother swallowed a dime,<br />I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"Census"<br /><br />In a recent survey, 60 percent of respondents<br />said the cities where they live is noisier now<br />than they were five years ago.<br /><br />The other 40 percent didn't hear the question.<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"Three Surgeons"<br /><br />Three surgeons were one day talking about their<br />best work ever. The first one: "Once, one of<br />my cousins horribly injured his leg in a car<br />accident. It was completely crushed, yet I<br />managed to rebuild it, and since there was<br />nothing I could do about the bones, I took a<br />chance and used plastic sticks. And what do<br />you know, today he's walking just fine!"<br />The other two express their amazement.<br /><br />The second one said: "Last year my own mother<br />lost her eyesight completely in an accident. There<br />was really no way to make her see again, her<br />eyeballs were completely ruined, so I took a chance<br />and replaced her eyes with glass eyes. I hooked<br />them up with her nerves, and, what do you know,<br />today she sees perfectly!" The other two are even<br />more amazed.<br /><br />The third one goes: "A few months ago my uncle,<br />who's a lumberjack, accidentally chopped off his<br />right hand. I operated immediately and, having no<br />other choice, replaced his hand with a rubber glove<br />filled with sawdust. I connected it to the arm and<br />after a few weeks, what do you know, he's using<br />it just fine!"<br /><br />"Wait a darn minute," blurts the second one, "now<br />this story is a bit TOO MUCH! Who's ever seen<br />something like THAT happen?"<br /><br />"Your mother with her glass eyes..."
