SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"True Story:"<br /><br />As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the<br />jury-selection process. First a computer<br />randomly selects a few hundred citizens from<br />the entire county to report for jury duty on a<br />particular day. Then another computer assigns<br />40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the<br />40 names are placed in a drum, and a dozen<br />names are pulled.<br /><br />During jury selection for one trial, the judge<br />asked potential Juror No. 1 if there was any<br />reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.<br /><br />"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 12 is my<br />ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I<br />guarantee we would not be able to agree on<br />anything."<br /><br />Both were excused.<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />These are old one's but since I am on jury duty, I could not help but put them up.<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />Here are some actual exchanges between lawyers and witnesses in the court room. Perhaps they ain't so bright after all.<br /><br />1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" <br /><br />2. "The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?"<br /><br />3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" <br /><br />4. Q: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?" <br />A: "No." <br />Q: "Did you check for blood pressure?" <br />A: "No." <br />Q: "Did you check for breathing?" <br />A: "No." <br />Q: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?" <br />A: "No." <br />Q: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?" <br />A:"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar." <br />Q:"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?" <br />A: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere." <br /><br />5. "Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?" <br /><br />6. "Did he kill you?" <br /><br />7. "How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?" <br /><br />8. "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"<br /><br />9. "How many times have you committed suicide?" <br /><br />10. Q: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?" <br />A: "Yes." <br />Q: "And what were you doing at that time?" <br /><br />11. Q: "She had three children, right?" <br />A: "Yes." <br />Q: "How many were boys?" <br />A: "None." <br />Q: "Were there any girls?" <br /><br />12. Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?" <br />A: "Yes." <br />Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"<br /><br />13. Q: "Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you?" <br />A: "I went to Europe, Sir." <br />Q: "And you took your new wife?" <br /><br />14. Q: "How was your first marriage terminated?" A: "By death." <br />Q: "And by who's death was it terminated?" <br /><br />15. Q: "Can you describe the individual?" <br />A: "He was about medium height and had a beard." <br />Q: "Was this a male, or a female?" <br /><br />16. Q: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?" <br />A:"No, this is how I dress when I go to work." <br /><br />17. Q: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?" <br />A: "All my autopsies are performed on dead<br />people." <br /><br />18. Q: "All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?" <br />A: "Oral." <br /><br />19. Q: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?" <br />A: "The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.." <br />Q: "And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?" <br />A: "No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy."<br /><br />20. Q: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"<br />A: "I have been since early childhood." <br /> 
