SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
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- 17,651
Mrs. Ward goes to the doctor's office to collect her husband's test<br />results.<br />The lab tech says to her, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but there's been a bit of a<br />mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your<br />husband to the lab, the samples from another Mr. Ward were sent as well<br />and<br />we<br />are uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly, it is either bad or<br />terrible."<br /><br /> <br /><br />"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asked.<br /><br /> <br /><br />"Well, one Mr. Ward has tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other<br />for AIDS. We can't tell which is your husband."<br /><br /> <br /><br /> "That's terrible! Can't we do the test over?"<br /><br /> <br /><br />"Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won't pay for these<br />expensive tests more than once."<br /><br /> <br /><br /> "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"<br /><br /> <br /><br /> "The HMO recommends that you drop your husband off in the middle of<br />town.<br /><br /> <br /><br />If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Mental Deficiency"<br /><br />A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a National<br />Organization for Women gathering, and his hostess<br />naturally broached the subject in which the doctor<br />was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor,"<br />she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in<br />somebody who appears completely normal?"<br /><br />"Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple<br />question which everyone should answer with no trouble.<br />If he hesitates, that puts you on the track."<br /><br />"What sort of question?"<br /><br />"Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three<br />trips around the world and died during one of them.<br />Which one?'<br /><br />The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous<br />laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example,<br />would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." 
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Useless"<br /><br />The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher.<br />The father liked to inspect every new thing that<br />came into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen<br />and watched the display count down all forty-four<br />minutes of the dish-washing cycle.<br /><br />Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's<br />useless, the dishwasher is useless!"<br /><br />The wife was amazed that the newest appliance<br />could be broken after only one use, but he insisted<br />that because they had a water softener, the<br />dishwasher was useless.<br /><br />She decided to look for herself, and there it was,<br />on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser:<br /><br />"USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER" <br />__________________________________________________<br />"Maybe Gay?"<br /><br />Lying down on the psychiatrist's couch, a young<br />man said to the doctor, "I wanted to see you<br />because I think I am gay."<br /><br />"Oh?" said the doctor. "And what makes you think<br />that?"<br /><br />"Well, my grandfather was gay, and so was my<br />father."<br /><br />"That doesn't mean you're gay," said the psychiatrist.<br />"We don't believe that homosexuality is hereditary."<br /><br />"Maybe not, but my two brothers are also gay."<br /><br />"Really?" said the doctor, intrigued. "That's right.<br />And so are my two uncles and my cousin Morris."<br /><br />"That IS uncanny," said the psychiatrist, his interest<br />greatly piqued. "Tell me, isn't there anyone in your<br />family who has sex with women?"<br /><br />"Yes, sir," the young man said. "My sister..."
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Useless"<br /><br />The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher.<br />The father liked to inspect every new thing that<br />came into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen<br />and watched the display count down all forty-four<br />minutes of the dish-washing cycle.<br /><br />Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's<br />useless, the dishwasher is useless!"<br /><br />The wife was amazed that the newest appliance<br />could be broken after only one use, but he insisted<br />that because they had a water softener, the<br />dishwasher was useless.<br /><br />She decided to look for herself, and there it was,<br />on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser:<br /><br />"USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER" <br />__________________________________________________<br />"Maybe Gay?"<br /><br />Lying down on the psychiatrist's couch, a young<br />man said to the doctor, "I wanted to see you<br />because I think I am gay."<br /><br />"Oh?" said the doctor. "And what makes you think<br />that?"<br /><br />"Well, my grandfather was gay, and so was my<br />father."<br /><br />"That doesn't mean you're gay," said the psychiatrist.<br />"We don't believe that homosexuality is hereditary."<br /><br />"Maybe not, but my two brothers are also gay."<br /><br />"Really?" said the doctor, intrigued. "That's right.<br />And so are my two uncles and my cousin Morris."<br /><br />"That IS uncanny," said the psychiatrist, his interest<br />greatly piqued. "Tell me, isn't there anyone in your<br />family who has sex with women?"<br /><br />"Yes, sir," the young man said. "My sister..." 
