SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now<br />here are "the rules" from the male side. These are<br />men's rules!<br /> <br />Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!<br /> <br /> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.<br />If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it<br />down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving<br />it down.<br /> <br /> 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the<br />changing of the tides. Let it be.<br /> <br /> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never<br />going to think of it that way.<br /> <br /> 1. Crying is blackmail.<br /> <br /> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this<br />one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not<br />work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!<br /> <br /> 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to<br />almost every question.<br /> <br /> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help<br />solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your<br />girlfriends are for.<br /> <br /> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.<br /> See a doctor.<br /> <br /> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in<br />an argument. In fact, all comments become null and<br />void after 7 days.<br /> <br /> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret<br />girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.<br /> <br /> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't<br />ask us.<br /> <br /> <br /> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,<br />and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant<br />the other one.<br /> <br /> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us<br />how you want it done. Not both. If you already know<br />best how to do it, just do it yourself.<br /> <br /> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have<br />to say during commercials.<br /> <br /> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and<br />neither do we.<br /> <br /> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows<br />default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not<br />a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea<br />what mauve is.<br /> <br /> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.<br /> <br /> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we<br />will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,<br />but it is just not worth the hassle.<br /> <br /> 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer<br />to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.<br /> <br /> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything<br />you wear is fine...Really.<br /> <br /> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you<br />are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the<br />shotgun formation, or monster trucks.<br /> <br /> 1. You have enough clothes.<br /> <br /> 1. You have too many shoes.<br /> <br /> 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.<br /> <br /> 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have<br />to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men<br />really don't mind that, it's like camping.<br /> _______________________________________________<br />A list of redneck computer terms<br />Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.<br /><br />Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.<br /><br />Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.<br /><br />Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.<br /><br />Cache - Needed when you go to da store.<br /><br />Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.<br /><br />Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.<br /><br />Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.<br /><br />Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.<br /><br />Diskette - A female Disco dancer.<br /><br />Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.<br /><br />Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.<br /><br />Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.<br /><br />Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.<br /><br />Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.<br /><br />Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.<br /><br />Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.<br /><br />Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.<br /><br />Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.<br /><br />Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.<br /><br />Rom - Where the pope lives.<br /><br />Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.<br /><br />Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.<br /><br />Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.<br /><br />Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.<br />_________________________________________________<br />Have a good week end.
