SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Wedding Anniversary"<br /><br />Bill was a crotchety old fellow who always took<br />breakfast with his wife. He would read the morning<br />paper while she fumed at his neglect, and today of all<br />days because it was their 25th wedding anniversary.<br /><br />She fumed, "Bill! Put down that paper and let's talk<br />about how we are going to celebrate our wedding<br />anniversary today. What do you suggest?"<br /><br />Bill put his newspaper down, removed and polished<br />his glasses, stared for a moment into the distance,<br />then said, "How about two minutes of silence?"<br /> 
<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"A Test"<br /><br />As the examiner inspected her tires, July's<br />foot slipped off the brake, and she rolled the<br />car over the man's foot.<br /><br />Immediately, she put down her window and<br />asked, "Does this mean I won't get my driver's<br />license?"<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"Vegetables"<br /><br />My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables<br />from the market. I went and looked around and<br />couldn't find any.<br /><br />So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and<br />said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have<br />they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"<br /><br />"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll<br />have to do that yourself."<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"Insult"<br /><br />One day a man approached Groucho Marx and he said,<br />"Please insult my wife. My wife loves your work. It<br />would really give her a thrill if you insulted her."<br /><br />Groucho turned to the man and said, "Sir, you should<br />be ashamed of yourself: To be married to a woman like<br />that and not be able to think up your own insults!"<br />
<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"A Test"<br /><br />As the examiner inspected her tires, July's<br />foot slipped off the brake, and she rolled the<br />car over the man's foot.<br /><br />Immediately, she put down her window and<br />asked, "Does this mean I won't get my driver's<br />license?"<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"Vegetables"<br /><br />My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables<br />from the market. I went and looked around and<br />couldn't find any.<br /><br />So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and<br />said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have<br />they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"<br /><br />"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll<br />have to do that yourself."<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"Insult"<br /><br />One day a man approached Groucho Marx and he said,<br />"Please insult my wife. My wife loves your work. It<br />would really give her a thrill if you insulted her."<br /><br />Groucho turned to the man and said, "Sir, you should<br />be ashamed of yourself: To be married to a woman like<br />that and not be able to think up your own insults!"<br /> 
