LadyFish
Admiral
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2003
- Messages
- 6,894
1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.<br /><br />2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.<br /><br />3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. ,about lifting the toilet seat, by simply using the sink.<br /><br />4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.<br /><br />5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.<br /><br />6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.<br /><br />7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your thumb with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache..<br /><br />AND..... Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really<br />are:<br /><br />You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.<br />If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the duct tape.<br /><br />Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.<br /><br />If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!<br /><br />And finally... Be really good to your family and friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.<br /><br />"Thought for the Day:<br /><br />Our days are happier when we give people a bit of our heart rather than a piece of our mind". 
