JoeW
Senior Chief Petty Officer
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2003
- Messages
- 664
Best Advice In A Long Time <br /> <br />Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true? <br />A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap. <br /> <br />Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? <br />A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy <br />vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products. <br /> <br />Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio? <br />A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc. <br /> <br />Q: What are some of the advantages of participating a regular exercise program? <br />A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good. <br /> <br />Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you? <br />A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you? <br /> <br />Q: What's the secret to healthy eating? <br />A: Thicker gravy. <br /> <br />Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle? <br />A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach. <br /> <br />Q: Is chocolate bad for me? <br />A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans .... another vegetable!!! It's the best feel good food around! <br /> <br />Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. Now go have a cookie...flour is a veggie! If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
...Besides, how many 80 year old obese people do you see? None....I'll take my excercise....