Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their newest stamps?<br />They had pictures of lawyers on them...and people couldn't figure out <br />which side to spit on.<br /><br />How are an apple and a lawyer alike?<br />They both look good hanging from a tree.<br /><br />Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?<br />It's called, Sosumi.<br /><br />How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?<br />She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.<br /><br />How does an attorney sleep?<br />First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.<br /><br />How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br />Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the <br />ladder company.<br /><br />If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save <br />one of them, would you go to lunch or read the Paper?<br /><br />What are lawyers good for?<br />They make used car salesmen look good.<br /><br />What did the terrorist that hijacked a jumbo-jet full of lawyers do?<br />He threatened to release one every hour if his demands weren't met.<br /><br />What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?<br />Not enough cement.<br /><br />What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?<br />Skeet.<br /><br />What do you call a lawyer gone bad.<br />A Congressman.<br /><br />What do you call a lawyer who is too stupid to practice law?<br />Your Honor.<br /><br />What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?<br />His partners.<br /><br />What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?<br />A Doberman.<br /><br />What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?<br />The pronunciation.<br /><br />What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?<br />The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.<br /><br />What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?<br />One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.<br /><br />Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?<br />To practice.<br /><br />Why does California have the most lawyers in the country, and New Jersey <br />have the most toxic waste sites?<br />New Jersey got first choice.
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