Moms not happy!

[LubeDude]

I posted several weeks ago that my parents were moving out of the house that I grew up in and that they lived in for over 50 years into a retirement complex! (Its very nice). It was my step Dads Idea and he bugged mom untill she finally gave in.<br /><br />I visited them this weekend for the first time sence there move. Step Dad is Happy as a lark, but when He and I were out for a bit, my mom broke into tears to my wife and isnt happy at all. She said that she feels like she is staying in a motel and will be going home after the stay. Even though she knows that she is stuck there now. They have had the sale of everything in the old house, and it is now empty. I went over there and its quite depressing.<br /><br />I feel so bad for my Mom, she is just misserable. She is 90 and I think this move is going to kill her.<br /><br />My wife and her always play cards and agrivation when they are together, but this time mom didnt feel like doing either. She is really depressed.<br /><br />Life goes on.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Moms not happy!

Bummer. Is there anything from the old house that will make the new living situation feel more like home to Mom?

 

[LubeDude]

Re: Moms not happy!

Originally posted by aspeck:<br /> Bummer. Is there anything from the old house that will make the new living situation feel more like home to Mom?

The place where they are isnt furnished, so the things in the place are from the old house except for a few new things they bought. Her whole bedroom is stuff from her old bedroom. They have separate bedrooms in this place, they havnt slept in the same bedroom for 45 years.

 

[QC]

Re: Moms not happy!

Rough time. My grandmother moved into a retirement home apartment which she liked, but then she eventually deteriorated and had to go into assisted living. She kept saying "when I get back to the apartment" and we knew that would never happen. I don't think there are any easy answers. May be as simple as what you ended your post with, but that doesn't make it any easier. Hang in there.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Moms not happy!

Had to move my great-uncle (85 years old) from his home to an assisted living apartment a couple years ago. It wasn't my mom, but it was tough because I was the one doing it. The first several months were the hardest, he wanted to go HOME. We constantly pointed all the good points of the place out, kept upbeat around him, etc. The wishing for the old, at least verbally, grew less. He still missed home, but began to make his new residence his home. He did like the food - better than the canned soup he had for lunch and supper before the move.<br /><br />I think the biggest thing that helped was that as a family WE determined to make it home for him. We took turns with visits so there was at least 1 guest there every day, most days he had company in the morning and the evening. We kept his fridge stocked so we could "raid" it when we were there, and we did our best to make him feel that he was entertaining us.<br /><br />Good luck, BF/LD. You have my thoughts and prayers for Mom.

 

[Limited-Time]

Re: Moms not happy!

50 years in one home, it's no surprise your mother feels homeless. Can only hope in time (I realize at 90 that’s a precious commodity) the new place comes to feel like home. How long have they been there?

 

[brine]

Re: Moms not happy!

Been there. No easy answers,,just visit alot.

 

[JB]

Re: Moms not happy!

<br /><br />I sure do hope to end my days right here at The Hideout.<br /><br />I have thought a lot about it because my descendants fuss a lot about me living alone "way out in the middle of nowhere" with a bad heart. Maybe the bad heart will rescue me from the prospect.<br /><br />I think "home" is a feeling more than a place, a feeling that all around us is familiar and safe; that all of the people we see are known and trusted and that all those we love know where we are and can find us.<br /><br />I dread the thought of the motel-like atmosphere of many assisted living facilities, yet my older brother just moved to the same one in which our Mom spent her last 20 years. She loved it there . . . surrounded by old friends and, in her room, all of her most precious keepsakes and heirlooms. I guess a small town facility like that can still feel like home. Probably half of the residents were old friends from as much as 50 years before. Bob's next door neighbor is a playmate from childhood and college classmate.<br /><br />For some of us, our home defines us and we fear that we would lose a lot of who we are if we went somewhere else. Sounds like your mom is like that, BF AKA LD.<br /><br />The only thing I can suggest is to help her turn her surroundings and the people in it into trusted, familiar and safe. Learn the first names of all the staff and neighbors, and call them by name. Learn who they are and share loves and memories with them. They will reciprocate.<br /><br />Best of wishes to your Mom. It is hard to feel that you have left yourself behind somewhere.

 

[heycods]

Re: Moms not happy!

My mom lived her last ten years out of her familiar surroundings, and befour she died she told me she was ready to go, because it had ben a mighty miserable ten years, Man that broke my heart, but thier wasnt a thing I could do about it, befour or after.<br /> I feel for you looks like your in the same boat, You cant change whats beyond your control. Support her and comfort as best you can.JBs last advice is good, but whether she will ever accept that is entirely up to her. Best of luck.

 

[brother chris]

Re: Moms not happy!

Sorry to hear about the sad news LD.<br />I was going to post about my grandma and how she refused to go to a retirement home, but after reading the other replies, I'm not sure my story will help. <br />Good luck with everything.<br />B.C.

 

[llfish]

Re: Moms not happy!

Went through the same thing with my mom. No easy answer. Good luck

 

[Ron G]

Re: Moms not happy!

I went threw it with my grandfather,very hard to deal with at times,hang in there.i hope the best.

 

[dogsdad]

Re: Moms not happy!

My wife's grandmother is in her upper 80s and her house is deteriorating. Her kids want her to move into a retirement home, but she doesn't want to do it. When I am there in that house, I can feel the history of it and I understand why Grandma doesn't want to leave it. I hope they do not force the issue because I know she would be terribly unhappy.<br /><br />Hang in there LD.

 

[bayman]

Re: Moms not happy!

Always sad when it comes to this...