Monday Funny

SpinnerBait_Nut

Honorary Moderator Emeritus
Joined
Aug 25, 2002
Messages
17,651
If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I'll pray for you. <br /><br />This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. <br /><br />Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. <br /><br />She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. <br /><br />Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his under-pants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. <br /><br />Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained under-pants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, <br />"Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." <br /><br />"What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and these two fingers, I think I got most of them back in!
 

THE-TAZ

Petty Officer 2nd Class
Joined
Jan 3, 2003
Messages
163
Re: Monday Funny

As always good one SBN!!! ;) :D :D :D <br /><br />Taz
 

KennyKenCan

Commander
Joined
Aug 26, 2002
Messages
2,501
Re: Monday Funny

:D Yeah, wheres that photo of that guy who blew his butt out, when you need it. :D
 

LadyFish

Admiral
Joined
Mar 18, 2003
Messages
6,894
Re: Monday Funny

Kenny, don't even tempt him.<br /><br />My chuckle for the day!!!<br /><br />Lipstick on the Mirror<br /><br />According to a news report, a certain private school recently was faced<br />with a unique problem. A number of middle school girls were beginning to<br />use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.<br /><br />That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their<br />lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the<br />maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put<br />them back.<br /><br />Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.<br /><br />She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the<br />maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a<br />major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.<br /><br />To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked<br />the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.<br /><br />He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned<br />the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the<br />mirror.<br /><br />There are teachers, and then there are educators.
 

KennyKenCan

Commander
Joined
Aug 26, 2002
Messages
2,501
Re: Monday Funny

Hi LadyFish,<br /><br />I wonder if those girls realized that that is the way the custodian always cleaned them mirrors, and that they have been sucking on those toilet water cleaned mirrors for quite a while?
 

Bassy

Lieutenant Commander
Joined
Aug 15, 2003
Messages
1,795
Re: Monday Funny

Yes! Very gross and very funny. Yuck! ;)
 

SS MAYFLOAT

Admiral
Joined
May 17, 2001
Messages
6,372
Re: Monday Funny

The way the day went for me, I needed those laughs. Good humor at its best :D <br /><br />Paul Havey said today about a guy that thought he was siphoning gas out of an RV. He was found all curled up by the RV seriously sick and was put into intensive care. He had put the hose in the sewage tank and had injested some of it. :eek: YUK YUK YUK!!!<br /><br />SS
 
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