SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Casual Dress"<br /><br />Employed by the human-development center<br />of a corporation in Texas, LadyFish<br />trains employees in proper dress codes and<br />etiquette.<br /><br />One day as she was stepping onto the<br />elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans<br />and a golf shirt got on with her.<br /><br />Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded,<br />"Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?"<br /><br />The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning<br />the company...." 
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Cooking Class"<br /><br />One day during cooking class, our teacher,<br />Bart, was extolling his secrets for<br />preparing perfect sauces. When he ordered<br />us to the stoves to prepare our assignments,<br />he said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons."<br /><br />As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the<br />physics behind the mystery of the wooden<br />spoon and decided it must have something<br />to do with heat conduction. I approached<br />Bart to test my theory.<br /><br />"Why wooden spoons?" I asked.<br /><br />"Because," he replied, "if I have to sit here<br />listening to all your metal spoons banging<br />against metal pots, I'll go nuts!"<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Things To Do At Wal-Mart..."<br /><br />Are you bored? Here are some things to do at<br />Wal-Mart while the other person shops. <br /><br />1. Get boxes of fishing line & randomly put them<br />in people's carts when they are not looking.<br /><br />2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute<br />intervals.<br /><br />3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the<br />restroom.<br /><br />4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an<br />official tone "I think we have a code 3 in<br />housewares," and see what happens.<br /><br />5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn<br />them all off and turn the volumes to 10.<br /><br />6. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes<br />of gift wrap.<br /><br />7. Put M & Ms on layaway.<br /><br />8. Move "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" signs to<br />carpet areas.<br /><br />9. Set up a tent in the camping departments; tell<br />others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows<br />from the bedding department.<br /><br />10. When someone asks if they can help you,<br />begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people<br />just leave me alone?"<br /><br />11. Look right into the security camera and use it<br />as a mirror while you pick your nose.<br /><br />12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up<br />a full scale battlefield with G.I.Joes and X-Men.<br /><br />13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey<br />Poupon.<br /><br />14. While handling guns in the hunting department<br />ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants<br />are. <br /><br />15. Switch signs on the men and women's bathrooms.<br /><br />16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the<br />theme from "Mission Impossible."<br /><br />17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.<br /><br />18. In the auto department practice your Madonna<br />look using different size funnels.<br /><br />19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people<br />browse through say, "Pick me!! PICK ME!!!!!"<br /><br />20. When announcement comes over the loud<br />speaker assume the fetal position and scream,<br />"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"<br /><br />21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them<br />you don't get out much and would they put one of<br />those little umbrellas in it.<br /><br />22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud.....<br />"Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Cooking Class"<br /><br />One day during cooking class, our teacher,<br />Bart, was extolling his secrets for<br />preparing perfect sauces. When he ordered<br />us to the stoves to prepare our assignments,<br />he said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons."<br /><br />As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the<br />physics behind the mystery of the wooden<br />spoon and decided it must have something<br />to do with heat conduction. I approached<br />Bart to test my theory.<br /><br />"Why wooden spoons?" I asked.<br /><br />"Because," he replied, "if I have to sit here<br />listening to all your metal spoons banging<br />against metal pots, I'll go nuts!"<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Things To Do At Wal-Mart..."<br /><br />Are you bored? Here are some things to do at<br />Wal-Mart while the other person shops. <br /><br />1. Get boxes of fishing line & randomly put them<br />in people's carts when they are not looking.<br /><br />2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at 10 minute<br />intervals.<br /><br />3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the<br />restroom.<br /><br />4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an<br />official tone "I think we have a code 3 in<br />housewares," and see what happens.<br /><br />5. Turn all the radios to a polka station, then turn<br />them all off and turn the volumes to 10.<br /><br />6. Challenge other customers to a duel with tubes<br />of gift wrap.<br /><br />7. Put M & Ms on layaway.<br /><br />8. Move "CAUTION-WET FLOOR" signs to<br />carpet areas.<br /><br />9. Set up a tent in the camping departments; tell<br />others you'll only invite them if they bring pillows<br />from the bedding department.<br /><br />10. When someone asks if they can help you,<br />begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people<br />just leave me alone?"<br /><br />11. Look right into the security camera and use it<br />as a mirror while you pick your nose.<br /><br />12. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up<br />a full scale battlefield with G.I.Joes and X-Men.<br /><br />13. Ask other customers if they have any Grey<br />Poupon.<br /><br />14. While handling guns in the hunting department<br />ask the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants<br />are. <br /><br />15. Switch signs on the men and women's bathrooms.<br /><br />16. Dart around suspiciously while humming the<br />theme from "Mission Impossible."<br /><br />17. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign out front.<br /><br />18. In the auto department practice your Madonna<br />look using different size funnels.<br /><br />19. Hide in the clothing rack and when people<br />browse through say, "Pick me!! PICK ME!!!!!"<br /><br />20. When announcement comes over the loud<br />speaker assume the fetal position and scream,<br />"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"<br /><br />21. Go to the food court, get a soft drink, tell them<br />you don't get out much and would they put one of<br />those little umbrellas in it.<br /><br />22. Go into the fitting room and yell real loud.....<br />"Hey, we're out of toilet paper in here!"
