SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"An American Tourist In Moscow"<br /><br />An American tourist in Moscow found himself<br />needing to take a leak something terrible. After<br />a long search he just couldn't find any place to<br />relieve himself. So he just went down one of<br />the side streets to take care of business.<br /><br />Before he could even get unzipped, a Moscow<br />police office asked, "Hey you -- what are you doing?"<br /><br />"I gotta pee, man."<br /><br />"You can't pee here. Look, follow me."<br /><br />The police officer led him to a beautiful garden<br />with lots of grass, pretty flowers, and manicured<br />hedges. "Here," said the cop, whiz away."<br /><br />The American shrugs, turns, unzips, and starts<br />right on the flowers. "Ahhh. Whew. Thanks.<br />This is very nice of you. Is this Russian courtesy?"<br /><br />"No. This is the American Embassy."<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Depressed Button"<br /><br />Jill, a blonde, was standing in front of a soda<br />machine saying, "You are a dumb looking button.<br />You don't have much of a future, either. People<br />are going to be punching you all your life. Then<br />you are going to be replaced by a much better<br />looking button."<br /><br />I foolishly asked what she was doing. Jill pointed<br />to the notice on the front of the machine, which<br />said, "Depress button for ice."<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Blonde Tycoon"<br /><br />A blonde fellow is driving along the road when<br />he sees a sign on a plot of land that reads<br />"40 acres for sale" and lists a phone number<br />and in big bold letters the words "WILL DIVIDE."<br /><br />The man had been considering buying a bit of<br />land for investment purposes. So he calls the<br />number and when a lady picks up, he asks her,<br /><br />"Is Mr. Divide in?"<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Gloves"<br /><br />During the wedding reception in the family mansion,<br />the bride's Grandfather slipped her a $500 bill which<br />she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep<br />it for "mad money."<br /><br />By tradition, the couple spent their first night together<br />in the historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw<br />her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and<br />asked where she was going.<br /><br />"I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's<br />important that I have them."<br /><br />"Oh, you youngsters!" the Grandmother sighed. "You<br />march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of<br />that thing with your bare hands, just as I did your<br />Grandfather's."
