On their way to get married, a young couple are involved in a fatal car accident. The couple find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St.Peter shows up, <br />they asked him. St. Peter says, "I don't know. This is the <br />first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. <br /><br />The couple sat and waited for an answer for a couple of months. While they waited, they discussed that IF they were allowed to get married in Heaven, SHOULD they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't <br />work?" they wondered, "Are we stuck together FOREVER?" <br /><br />After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking <br />somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you CAN get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" <br /><br />St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the <br />ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!!" St. Peter shouts, "It took me three months <br />to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll <br />take me to find a lawyer? <br /><br /> <br /><br /> MA AND PA WERE TWO HILLBILLIES LIVING IN WEST VIRGINIA OUT ON A FARM UP IN THE HILLS. PA HAS FOUND OUT THAT THE HOLE UNDER THE OUTHOUSE IS FULL. HE GOES INTO THE HOUSE AND TELLS MA THAT HE<br />DOESN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO EMPTY THE HOLE.<br /> <br /> MA SAYS, "WHY DON'T YOU GO ASK THE YOUNG ENGINEER DOWN THE ROAD? HE MUST BE SMART 'CAUSE HE'S A COLLEGE GRADYJATE."<br /> <br /> SO PA DRIVES DOWN TO THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE AND ASKS HIM,<br />"MR. COLLEGE GRADYJATE, MY OUTHOUSE HOLE IS FULL, AND I DON'T<br />KNOW WHAT TO DO TO EMPTY IT."<br /> <br /> THE YOUNG ENGINEER TELLS HIM, "GET YOURSELF 2 STICKS OF <br />DYNAMITE, ONE WITH A SHORT FUSE AND ONE WITH A LONG FUSE. PUT<br />THEM BOTH UNDER THE OUTHOUSE AND LIGHT THEM BOTH AT THE SAME<br />TIME. THE FIRST ONE WILL GO OFF AND SHOOT THE OUTHOUSE IN THE<br />AIR. WHILE IT'S IN THE AIR THE SECOND ONE WILL THEN GO OFF AND<br />SPREAD THE POOP ALL ACROSS YOUR FARM, FERTILIZING YOUR GROUND.<br />THE OUTHOUSE SHOULD THEN COME BACK DOWN TO THE SAME SPOT<br />ATOP THE NOW-EMPTY HOLE."<br /> <br /> PA THANKS THE NEIGHBOR, THEN DRIVES TO THE HARDWARE STORE AND PICKS UP 2 STICKS OF DYNAMITE, ONE WITH A SHORT FUSE AND ONE WITH A LONG FUSE.<br /> <br /> HE GOES HOME AND PUTS THEM UNDER THE OUTHOUSE. HE THEN<br />LIGHTS THEM AND RUNS BEHIND A TREE.<br /> <br /> ALL OF A SUDDEN, MA COMES RUNNING OUT OF THE HOUSE AND INTO THE OUTHOUSE!<br /> <br /> OFF GOES THE FIRST STICK OF DYNAMITE.........SHOOTING THE OUTHOUSE INTO THE AIR.<br /> <br /> BOOM! OFF GOES THE SECOND STICK OF DYNAMITE.....SPREADING<br /> POOP ALL OVER THE FARM.<br /> <br /> WHAM! THE OUTHOUSE COMES CRASHING BACK DOWN ATOP THE<br />HOLE.<br /> <br /> PA RACES TO THE OUTHOUSE, THROWS OPEN THE DOOR AND ASKS, "MA, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?"<br /> <br /> AS SHE PULLS UP HER PANTIES SHE SAYS....."YEAH, BUT I'M SURE<br /> GLAD I DIDN'T FART IN THE KITCHEN." <br /><br />A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and is stumbling back and forth. <br /> <br /> A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you, Sir?"<br /> <br /> "Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr," the man replies.<br /> <br /> The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"<br /> <br /> "It wasss on the end of thisshh key," the man replies.<br /> <br /> About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner is hanging out of his fly for <br />all the world to see. He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"<br /> <br /> Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and, without missing a beat, <br />blurts out.........."I'll Be Damned ----- My Girlfriend's Gone, Too!!!!!"
