Re: More Monday Funnys by PW!
Here's something PW ought to look into:<br /><br />Liberals 12 step program...Step 1: Admitting that you're a liberal.<br /> <br />This is the first step for every liberal on the way to<br />recovery. It is important to understand that you're not<br />"progressive", "moderate", or "enlightened." You're a<br />liberal, and you need to be honest with yourself about<br />that fact.<br /> <br />Step 2: Pledge to support your beliefs with facts.<br /> <br />Realize that truth is more important than moral<br />superiority and is the only way to come over to reality.<br />You must research beyond propaganda from the Sierra Club,<br />Hillary Clinton, and CNN to understand things as they<br />really exist in the world. You can no longer argue based<br />on "feelings" or emotion. You will actually need to back<br />up your arguments with real information. This is a<br />difficult step, because it means you can't be lazy any<br />more.<br /> <br />Step 3: Love America.<br /> <br />This may be the most difficult step for those of you<br />who are hippies and peaceniks. Admitting that the<br />country you hate actually stands as a beacon to defend<br />freedom throughout the world can make some of you<br />physically ill. You might want to make a visit to a<br />military cemetery to better understand that these men<br />and women gave their lives so that you could spew hatred.<br />Otherwise, you would currently be living in a police state<br />that would never let you wear that nasty patchouli oil,<br />let alone speak out against your government.<br /> <br />Step 4: Take a college level economics class.<br /> <br />I have always defined a Socialist as someone who's<br />never taken an Economics class. Most Socialists I have<br />spoke with would have a hard time balancing their<br />checkbooks, let alone explaining the simple concept of<br />supply-and-demand. Its time to flush your complete<br />ignorance of basic economics down the toilet and<br />understand how the world actually functions. This<br />concept will be very important for the next steps that<br />involve communism, facts about corporations, and the<br />inefficiencies of government.<br /> <br />Step 5: Say "no" to Communism and Socialism.<br /> <br />While this concept is obvious to most of the free<br />world, it is an important step in your recovery<br />process. If you have difficulty with this step, spend<br />a week living and working in Cuba.<br /> <br />Step 6: Corporations are not evil.<br /> <br />If you're reading this article online or in an e-mail,<br />its thanks to corporations. If you get some kind of<br />paycheck, you can thank corporations. If you work for<br />a non-profit or the government, you still have to thank<br />corporations. The non-profit sector and the government<br />wouldn't have any money to pay you without corporations.<br />It is also important that you understand that making a<br />profit doesn't equate to "greed" or exploitation. Capitalism<br />has created the greatest society in our worlds history.<br />Even communist countries need corporations to survive, so<br />enjoy a nice, hot cup of reality.<br /> <br />Step 7: The government is inefficient.<br /> <br />If you are one of those liberals who believe the<br />government should tax us more in order to take care of<br />society, you need to pay special attention to this step.<br />You need to realize that government bureaucracy will<br />waste most of your tax dollars, while the private sector<br />will put your money to much better use. Even most Democrat<br />politicians understand this to some degree, which is<br />why Hillary's socialist health care proposal was voted<br />down by a majority of both Democrats and Republicans.<br />Go to your local post office or call the IRS to ask a<br />tax question if you need a reminder about government<br />inefficiency.<br /> <br />Step 8: The earth is not your "mother", and its not dying.<br /> <br />The time has now come to stop your donations to<br />Greenpeace, The Sierra Club, and every other EnviroNazi<br />organization to which you belong. Face the reality that<br />the earth, society, and our environment are better off<br />today than ever in recorded history and that they are<br />continuing to improve. I realize that many of you tree<br />huggers will have a very difficult time letting go of<br />the Douglas Fir on this one. I would suggest reading The<br />Skeptical Environmentalist by Bjorn Lomborg. Mr. Lomborg<br />is a former member of Greenpeace and is currently a<br />statistics professor at a university in Denmark. He<br />set out to prove the world was in bad shape and ended up<br />surprising himself by proving the exact opposite.<br /> <br />Step 9: Stop smoking the wacky tobaccy.<br /> <br />Okay, some of you might need to enter another 12-step<br />program to complete this step. Marijuana is distorting<br />your sense of reality, and you need to stop using it.<br />Besides, you'll save a fortune on snacks.<br /> <br />Step 10: Eat a hamburger.<br /> <br />If God didn't intend for us to eat animals, he wouldn't<br />have made them out of meat. You can put your sprouts and<br />tofu on the hamburger, but get some meat into you. You'll<br />look and feel better than you ever imagined. You can always<br />remind yourself that Adolf Hitler was a vegetarian to get<br />you through this step.<br /> <br />Step 11: Stop re-writing political history.<br /> <br />Its now time to admit that Bill Clinton is a<br />lying-cheating-sexist-racist-rapist jackass, Hillary<br />Clinton is one of the worst role models for women in<br />this country, Al Gore really did lose the 2000<br />election by every vote tabulation you attempt, Ronald<br />Reagan ended the Cold War and didn't create the homeless<br />problem, John McCain is not a typical Republican, and<br />Jimmy Carter is a nice man but has one of the worst<br />presidential records of anyone in history.<br /> <br />Step 12: Be a missionary.<br /> <br />Once you have completed the previous steps to<br />overcoming liberalism, its time for you to share this<br />awakening with others who are not as fortunate. Go out<br />amongst the liberal sheep and spread the good word of<br />your freedom from the chains of ignorance that once<br />bound you. Congratulations, and welcome to reality.
