When I was completely new to boating a short while back, I was nervous about getting in people's way on ramps as I assumed they knew what they were doing. Boy, did I get that wrong?<br /><br />From my observation, here are the rules observed by a good number of morons with boats.<br /><br />1. If your boat isn't ready to launch, and will take a fair while to get ready, just charge past the considerate people getting their boats ready before they go onto the ramp and muscle your way into the reversing bay at the head of the ramp so that nobody can launch until you've figured out how to erect your bimini, trasnferred all the gear from your car, argued with your wife and brat children, rigged your fishing lines, searched for the boat key, wandered around the boat pondering the many mysteries associated with the various fittings on your boat and trailer, and generally given everybody else the sh!ts beyond belief.<br /><br />2. If you have a really big or expensive boat, you are more important than other people, so your time is more inportant than theirs.<br /><br />3. The time you may hold other people up is proportionate to the size and value of your boat.<br /><br />4. The size of your brain decreases in inverse proportion to the size and value of your boat.<br /><br />5. Always have difficulties getting your bimini up (and probably not the only thing you have difficulty getting up), then try to repair it while at the head of the queue, unless #6 applies.<br /><br />6. If you prefer to erect your bimini after launching, do so at the foot of the ramp while leaving your car and trailer on the ramp to prevent anyone else using it. Fifteen minutes is the minimum time needed to demonstrate to everyone else that either (a) your bimini is not working (b) you do not know how to work it or (c) your brain is not working, or two or more of the above. Under no circumstances should you move the boat about twenty feet left or right and tie it to the jetty so that you can clear the ramp for the dozen or 20 other people waiting to launch and retrieve.<br /><br />7. If you see someone having a bit of trouble loading their boat because of wind or tide, help them out by leaving or arriving at the ramp at speed so that your bow wave can bounce their boat around even more.<br /><br />8. If you have had a good day's fishing and want to clean your fish, just park your flash car and boat as close to the fish cleaning area as possible, even if it fouls the head of the ramp and stuffs up people who want to use the ramp for its designed purpose.<br /><br />9. If you encounter difficulties after launching, like waiting for someone to go down the shop to buy bait, position your boat at right angles to the ramp and across as many lanes as possible. A good operator can block two lanes on a two lane ramp with just an 8 foot boat. Then stand in the water staring vacantly into space until you are satisfied that others have identified you as a complete ****head, which may take as long as twenty minutes, depending on (a) how far the ramp is from the bait shop and (b) how fast your mate can walk.<br /><br />10. Never service or repair your boat anywhere except on or adjacent to a boat ramp, where you can prevent other people who think about what they're doing and who take care of their boats from using the ramp while you moan about the crappy quality of five year old batteries that lose their charge after not being used for 12 months. Then after jump starting it from your car, head out to sea without thinking about the chances of it starting when you want to get back, because you are a true thrill seeker, as shown by the absence of safety equipment on your boat and the young kids aboard without PFD's.
<br />Craig