You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church If....<br /><br />The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.<br /><br />People ask (when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000) whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.<br /><br />When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.<br /><br />Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.<br /><br />A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."<br /><br />The choir is known as the "OK Chorale."<br /><br />Boone's Farm "Tickle Pink" is the favorite wine for communion.<br /><br />In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.<br /><br />Baptism is referred to as "branding."<br /><br />There is a special fundraiser for a new church septic tank.<br /><br />Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.<br /><br />High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.<br /><br />People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.<br /><br />The baptismal fount is a #2 galvanized washtub.<br /><br />The choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.<br /><br />The collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.
