Tips From the Redneck Book of Manners<br />>>><br />>>>1. Never take a beer to a job interview.<br />>>><br />>>>2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.<br />>>><br />>>>3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.<br />>>><br />>>>4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.<br />>>><br />>>>5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U- Haul to the funeral home.<br />>>><br />>>>DINING OUT<br />>>><br />>>>1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.<br />>>><br />>>>2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the restaurant may not have dogs.<br />>>><br />>>>ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME<br />>>><br />>>>1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.<br />>>><br />>>>2 Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are.<br />>>><br />>>>PERSONAL HYGIENE<br />>>><br />>>>1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.<br />>>><br />>>>2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. <br />>>><br />>>>However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of Good money.<br />>>><br />>>>3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of Finger foods.<br />>>><br />>>>DATING (Outside the Family)<br />>>><br />>>>1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first Date.<br />>>><br />>>>2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the Bathroom wall two years ago."<br />>>><br />>>>3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. <br />Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.<br />>>><br />>>>4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, Such as, "ya'll sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."<br />>>><br />>>>WEDDINGS<br />>>><br />>>>1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.<br />>>><br />>>>2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.<br />>>><br />>>>3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a =cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an appearance.<br />>>><br />>>>4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to sock s and shoes for this special occasion.<br />>>><br />>>>5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in the sack.<br />>>><br />>>>DRIVING ETIQUETTE<br />>>><br />>>>1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the gun Is loaded, and the deer is in sight.<br />>>><br />>>>2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.<br />>>><br />>>>3. Never tow another car using pantie hose and duct tape.<br />>>><br />>>>4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.<br />>>><br />>>>5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when <br />driving.<br /><br />>>>6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.<br /><br />>>>TWO REASONS WHY IT IS HARD TO SOLVE A REDNECK MURDER<br />>>>1. All the DNA is the same.<br /><br />>>>2. There are no dental records. 
