SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
BOTTOM LINE<br /><br />Showing his friend around his home, Bruce started to point out all of<br />the collectibles he and his wife had acquired over their long years of<br />marriage. "The day before I die, I'd like to sell every piece we've got<br />just to see how much it's all worth." "But you couldn't possibly know<br />the day before you were going to die, so how could you sell it."<br />"Simple: If I sell it, my wife would kill me!"<br /><br />SHHHH!<br /><br />A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed<br />them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in<br />church?" Little Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."<br /><br />SURGERY<br /><br />A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed<br />appendix. The doctor operated and after the surgery advised him that<br />all was well. However, in the recovery room the patrolman kept<br />feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it<br />might be a second surgery the doctor hadn't told him about, he finally<br />got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down so he could look at<br />what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his<br />hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that<br />doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the<br />sentence... "Get well quick...from the nurse you gave a ticket to last<br />week."<br /><br />PASSING THE TEST<br /><br />Little Rodney, 4 years old, walked down the beach, and as he did, he<br />spied a matronly woman sitting under a beach umbrella on the sand.<br />He walked up to her and asked, "Are you a Christian?" "Yes." she<br />replied. "Do you read your Bible every day?" She nodded her head,<br />"Yes." "Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she<br />answered, "Yes." With that he asked his final question,"Will you<br />hold my quarter while I go swimming?"<br /><br />LATERAL WISDOM<br /><br />A preacher stepped into the pulpit one Sunday morning with a<br />Band-Aid on the side of his face. He explained at the start of his<br />sermon, "I cut myself while shaving. I guess I was meditating on my<br />sermon." In hour and fifteen minutes later a sleepy member of the<br />congregation whispered to his wife, "He should have meditated on<br />his shaving and cut his sermon!"<br /><br />PRIORITIES<br /><br />The sermon had gone on a long time. A visitor leaned over to the<br />person next to him and asked, "How long has he been preaching?"<br />Came the reply, "Almost thirty years." "Oh," said the stranger.<br />"Guess I'll stay. He ought to be through soon."
