Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

[Admin5]

Someone who is married to a family member posted this on her personal public blog. No one is looking for reasons to be offended but how should this be taken? Is she correct or is she being rude and publicly insensitive to her in-laws?

Would be interested in hearing your thoughts.

This was her blog post:
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Unsolicited advice

I have never been one to offer unsolicited advice nor do I appreciate receiving it. I love that my parents and siblings are not the type of people to say that I need to do this or that. Instead, advice will be given if I ask for it. Afterall, we live in a day and age where we research like crazy because of the resources we have available now (i.e. internet). Now I understand that not everyone feels the way I do. Some people may love giving and/or receiving unsolicited advice. I, on the other hand, do not. Throughout my entire pregnancy I have received plenty of unsolicited advice and I know this will continue even after having children. (My husband) and I have decided
after all is said and done, we will only do what feels and works best for us.

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[NelsonQ]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Sounds like she isn't happy with the unsolicited advice and is looking for a polite way to hopeful have others understand that it bothers her.

It doesn't sound like she's confrontational or the type of person who would pull you aside and discuss it and is using the somewhat public forum to hopefully get her message across.

That's what I read into it at least.

 

[fdmsiv]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

I have 2 very dear friends that are pregnant at the moment and about to explode (they are both due on the same day). Anyway, when we are out people are always coming up to them and giving advise out of the blue. A quick in and out shopping trip with one of them turns into an hour long ordeal. "Oh your having a boy!" (ultra sound says different) or "Oh you have to name it ........" or "You have to eat this, that, and the other" etc etc etc.

This is seems to be an unfortunate annoyance that will not go away. I think the lady posting the message is tired of all the advice people feel they need to throw out there. I am not pregnant, nor will I ever be (male), but I get annoyed in about 28 sec. when these "unsolicitors" begin spewing their advice.

I totally agree with the poster, people should mind their own business when it comes to how people want to raise their children. If the in-laws are going to be there are 3am after a week of sleepless nights dealing with a crying baby (I won't be), then I would maybe give them 43 seconds before I get annoyed with them.

 

[aspeck]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Admin5, I don't think offense was meant, nor should be taken. First of all, when pregnant the hormones are raging all over the place. Then, people do feel the need to offer advice, whether it is wanted or not, or needed. This can be overwhelming (how well I remember what my wife went through).

Just take it for what it is, a plea to everyone to keep their advice to theirself unless it is asked for, and to enjoy the pregnancy with the Mom and Dad-to-be. I did not read any malice into it. However, you know the situation better than this one post, so maybe it is different than what it feels on this side ...

How is that for covering all the bases??? HA! Is it her first pregnancy?

 

[SnappingTurtle]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Seems to me the people in our family that give the others the most advice, are also those that need it themselves the most. They are also the ones that won't listen more that two seconds to you, even after asking you what you think.

You can gently explain that you appreciate the advice, but you would like to do it another way and they get mad, the next day they are telling you the same thing again. There is only one way, their way.

After the 50th time I generally say something that they feel is insulting, like yea I know that is what you think, you've told me 50 times in the last week.

Sometimes in life a feather will do the job, sometimes though it takes a sledge hammer.

I would consider this to be a small tack hammer, on the way to becoming a sledge hammer. Don't make them get out the big stuff.

They made the little one without the help of the rest of the family , and I am sure if they need help in raising it, they will ask. When they do, you can be proud it is you they turned to.

In the mean time I wouldn't sweat it. Give them a little room to breath.

 

[Vlad D Impeller]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Apparently a not very happy person, who perhaps enjoy the tug of her inner demons. Nevertheless her method is a non confrontational way of saying to those whom it may concern, to butt out of her/their personal affairs.

 

[tashasdaddy]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

she said it much nicer than i did to my mom and mother inlaw, in 1970.

 

[Pierutrus]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

No, she states her position nicely as TD mentioned.

 

[OldePharte]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

I will agree that it was thoughtfully done.

Many years ago, my two kids were a handful while in grade school. We had our own way in handling them. My BIL gets married to a gal with two kids and overnight became the family expert. He criticized us on our parenting skills. We told him to shut up and take care of his own brood.

 

[JB]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

I think she chose an unconfrontational way to ask to be left alone.

I have no idea what may have stimulated her need to do this, but too often well-meaning relatives and friends can offer advice that is contrary to expectant parents' plans and are offended if that advice is rejected. It happens in other important events, too.

My own mom, bless her heart, didn't speak to me for a couple of years because I told her to quit telling my wife how to raise our children. It might have been better if I (or the LOML) had been able to blog impersonally.

 

[ne7800]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

i agree this was not ment to hurt anyone i have a monster in law (oops i meen mother in law) that likes to try to tell us how to raise our daughter it drives us nuts our daughter is almost 11 and the MIL just this year started asking permision to to buy her stuff that is our responsibility to buy and she finaly asks to have her come over and spend the night insted of just saying "i'm taking her"

 

[45Auto]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Could be that she has already nicely and politely asked that the unsolicited advice stop, and has been ignored. Maybe the blog is another attempt to get it to stop without a direct confrontation.

 

[rogerwa]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

For the way this is written, she could've had a friend that received the advice and was happy her family did not do this. I see no mention of in-laws or any indication it was aimed at anyone in her family.. Just a thoughtful reflection.

I feel the same way and approach others in this way. If I feel I need to give feedback, I wait for an openning and try to deliver the message as indirectly as possible jsut as something to think about. Not a direct assualt on what they are doing.

 

[chiefalen]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Sometimes theres no nice way to tell people to butt out.

 

[puddle jumper]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

That's funny becouse thats what our doctor told us when we had our first born 25 years ago. Mind you we we like 18 years old when we had her.

Those rules work great right up to the point you have a colicky baby and then your looking for any advice from anyone to help.

 

[mthieme]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

She doesn;t mention her in-laws specificly and doesn't really appear to be ranting (at least what I would consider ranting).
I wouldn't take offense.
Chieflan summed it up best.

 

[SgtMaj]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Anything written or spoken by a currently pregnant woman, or even a very recently pregnant woman should immediately be purged from memory. Hormones are raging, moods are swinging, and anything said or written, is the express viewpoint of those hormones and mood swings, and the current views on the subject will be polar opposites within an hour.

 

[Haut Medoc]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Keep unsolicited advice to yourself:
"the wise don't need it, & a fool won't heed it"
Or something like that......

 

[LadyFish]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Just keep in mind Admin5, you solicited this advice.

Most people give advice out of compassion, nothing more. The receiver of that advice should first recognize that even though they didn't ask for advice, this person(s) is trying to help the best way they know how based on their own experience.

Every pregnant women and new parent receive both good and bad advice. I just disect what I felt might be helpful and move on. I never told anyone their advice was not welcomed because I realized it was given to me out of love and I appreciated it for what it was. Oddly enough, down the road, advice I perceived as idiotic actually came in handy.

Funny thing about being pregnant is that you already get advice from your doctor and you make decisions on what you want to do based on his advice and your own research. So no, you really don't need anyone else telling you what to do, but trust me you do need their support and love, cutting that off because you can't help but get defensive when advice is given is a big mistake.

I don't feel the blog was a direct hit but I can see how it could be taken that way. With in-laws its always a very delicate situation. If you do your own thing regardless of their advice, they will get the message eventually.

Every pregnant women goes through this. In order to avoid alienating those who love her, my advice has always been to refrain from saying anything but thank you, and accept it for what it is....love.

In my family we affectionally refer to them as "butt-in-ski's"

 

[MikDee]

Re: Should in-laws be hurt by this blog?

Well Said, and Well summed up LadyFish! This is my opinion as well, If only more people would open up, understand this, and let it go,,,, take it all in, and sift through it yourself, more then occcasionally, it is helpful.