Some MD Stories <br /><br />1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her <br />baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted <br />the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I <br />noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.<br /> Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.<br /><br />2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly <br />and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"<br />I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.<br /> Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA<br /><br />3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that <br />her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than <br />five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family <br />that he had died of a "massive internal fart."<br /> Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada<br /><br />4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his <br />cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble <br />with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The <br />nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running <br />out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered <br />what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on<br />his body!<br />Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying<br />a new one.<br /> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA<br /><br />5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How <br />long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she <br />answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was<br />alive."<br /> Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR<br /><br />6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this <br />morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem<br />to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see <br />the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."<br /> Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI<br /><br />7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with <br />purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of <br />tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly <br />determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was <br />scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on <br />the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been <br />dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the<br />grass."<br /><br />Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the <br />patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."<br /> Submitted by RN no name<br /><br />AND FINALLY!!!................<br /><br />8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite <br />embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my <br />embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.<br />The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly <br />burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my <br />work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She <br />replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I <br />was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".<br />Dr. wouldn't submit his name
