SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
Arizona: "But It's A Dry Heat"<br /><br />Dumb Arizona Laws<br />Hunting camels is prohibited.<br /><br />Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony. This goes back in the days of the Wild West. <br /><br />There is a possible 25 years in prison for cutting down a cactus.<br /><br />Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. <br /><br />When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person posseses. <br /><br />It is unlawful to refuse a person a glass of water. <br /><br />You may not have more than two dildos in a house. <br /><br />Glendale <br />Cars may not be driven in reverse. <br /><br />Globe <br />Cards may not be played in the street with a Native American. <br /><br />Hayden]/b] <br />If you bother the cottontails or bullfrogs, you will be fined. <br /><br />Maricopa County <br />No more than six girls may live in any house. <br /><br />Mesa <br />It is illegal to smoke cigarettes within 15 feet of a public place unless you have a Class 12 liqueur license. <br /><br />Mohave County <br />A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up. <br /><br />Nogales <br />An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders. <br /><br />Prescott <br />No one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house. <br /><br />Tucson <br />Women may not wear pants. <br /><br />Tombstone <br />It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling. <br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />Ode to Arizona<br />The Devil wanted a place on earth.<br />Sort of a summer home:<br />A place to spend his vacation<br />Whenever he wanted to roam.<br /><br />So he picked out Arizona.<br />A place both wretched and rough.<br />Here the climate was to his liking<br />And the cowboys were hardened and tough.<br /><br />He dried up the streams in the canyons<br />and ordered no rain to fall:<br />He dried up the lakes in the valleys,<br />Then baked and scorched it all.<br /><br />Then over his barren desert<br />He transplanted shrubs from Hell.<br />The cactus, thistle and prickly pear --<br />The climate suited them well.<br /><br />Now, the home was much to his liking.<br />But animal life, he had none:<br />So he created crawling creatures<br />That all mankind would shun.<br /><br />First he made the rattlesnake.<br />With its forked poisonous tongue:<br />Taught it to strike and rattle<br />And how to swallow its young.<br /><br />Then he made Scorpions and Lizards<br />And the ugly old Horned Toad.<br />He placed spiders of every description<br />Under rocks by the side of the road.<br /><br />Then he ordered the sun to shine hotter.<br />Hotter and hotter still.<br />Until even the cactus wilted<br />And the old Horned Toad looked ill.<br /><br />Then he gazed on his earthly kingdom.<br />As any creator would:<br />He chuckled a little up his sleeve<br />And admitted that it was good.<br /><br />'Twas summer now and Satan lay<br />By a prickly pear to rest.<br />The sweat rolled off his wearthy brow.<br />So he took off his coat and vest.<br /><br />"By Golly," he finally panted<br />"I did my job too well.<br />I'm going back where I came from<br />Arizona is hotter than Hell!"<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />You know you're in Arizona when ...<br /><br />*You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. <br /><br />*You can say 110 degrees without fainting. <br /><br />*You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. <br /><br />*You can make instant sun tea. <br /><br />*You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. <br /><br />*The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. <br /><br />*You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car. <br /><br />*You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window. <br /><br />*You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. <br /><br />*Hot water now comes out of both taps. <br /><br />*It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets. <br /><br />*You actually burn your hand opening the car door. <br /><br />*You break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work. <br /><br />*No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning. <br /><br />*Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" <br /><br />*You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
