SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
Man, someone does not like Michigan<br />I don't write them, I just post them. 
<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians <br />__________________________________________________<br />Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp? <br />A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. <br /><br />Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? <br />A: One, but he gets 3 credits. <br /><br />Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase? <br />A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player. <br /><br />Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings? <br />A: To keep the flies off the bride. <br /><br />Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes? <br />A: Because cats keep covering them up. <br /><br />A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt." <br /><br />Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car? <br />A: He couldn't get his family out. <br /><br />Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards? <br />A: So they can park in handicap spaces. <br /><br />Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me." <br /><br />Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus? <br />A: A visitor. <br /><br />Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library? <br />A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours. <br /><br />Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? <br />A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet. <br /><br />Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"? <br />A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. <br /><br />Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Michigan campus? <br />A: The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.<br /><br />Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?<br />A: Drool. <br /><br />Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan? <br />A: Six more weeks of bad football. <br /><br />Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement? <br />A: Get more cement. <br /><br />General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again." <br /><br />Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies? <br />A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours. <br /><br />Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig? <br />A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do. <br /><br />Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb? <br />A: None, it's a sophomore course.
<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians <br />__________________________________________________<br />Q: What's the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp? <br />A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. <br /><br />Q: How many University of Michigan fans does it take to screw in a light bulb? <br />A: One, but he gets 3 credits. <br /><br />Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase? <br />A: On the University of Michigan campus. That's the last place you would find a football player. <br /><br />Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Michigan weddings? <br />A: To keep the flies off the bride. <br /><br />Q: Why don't University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes? <br />A: Because cats keep covering them up. <br /><br />A University of Michigan fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt." <br /><br />Q: Did you hear about the University of Michigan fan who locked his keys in his car? <br />A: He couldn't get his family out. <br /><br />Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards? <br />A: So they can park in handicap spaces. <br /><br />Two University of Michigan fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do. The first University of Michigan fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it." The first University of Michigan fan asks, "Why not?" The second University of Michigan fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me." <br /><br />Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus? <br />A: A visitor. <br /><br />Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library? <br />A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours. <br /><br />Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Michigan's football dorm that destroyed 20 books? <br />A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet. <br /><br />Q: Do you know why the University of Michigan football team should change its name to the "Opossums"? <br />A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. <br /><br />Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Michigan campus? <br />A: The officials had to check ID's before letting anyone back on board.<br /><br />Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?<br />A: Drool. <br /><br />Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a University of Michigan? <br />A: Six more weeks of bad football. <br /><br />Q: What should you do if you find three University of Michigan fans buried up to their neck in cement? <br />A: Get more cement. <br /><br />General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie. The genie said to the General, "I will grant you one wish." The General replied, "I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war." The genie responded, "I'm not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish." "Well," the General responds, "then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?" After a moment, the genie says, "Let me see that map again." <br /><br />Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies? <br />A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours. <br /><br />Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig? <br />A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do. <br /><br />Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb? <br />A: None, it's a sophomore course.