Subject: The honest witness<br /><br />In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first <br />witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the <br />truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her <br />God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother <br />type, well-spoken and poised. <br />The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do <br />you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've <br />known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big <br />disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly <br />about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you <br />haven't the sense to realize you never will amount to anything more than a <br />two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well." <br /><br />The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few moments. Then, <br />he slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, <br />not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what <br />else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know <br />the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. <br />Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad <br />drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with <br />anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not <br />to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I <br />know him." <br /><br />The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in <br />his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered <br />throughout the court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos. <br /><br />At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both <br />counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of <br />you crooked *******s asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in jail for <br />contempt."
