LadyFish
Admiral
- Joined
- Mar 18, 2003
- Messages
- 6,894
1) Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos you never know what's going to burn your butt. <br /><br />2) I love deadlines. I especially like the "whooshing" sound they make as they go flying by. <br /><br />3) Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it. <br /><br />4) Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren't there the first time, chances are you won't be needing them again. <br /><br />5) I don't have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem. <br /><br />6) Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the hell is the ceiling? <br /><br />7) My reality check bounced. <br /><br />8) On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key. <br /><br />9) I don't suffer from stress; I am a carrier! <br /><br />10) You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. <br /><br />11) Everyone is someone else's weirdo. <br /><br />12) Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. <br /><br />13) Be careful... a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. <br /><br />14) Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you won't be promoted. <br /><br />15) The more **** you put up with the more **** you are going to get. <br /><br />16) You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. <br /><br />17) So this isn't Home Sweet Home... ADJUST!!! <br /><br />18) Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself! <br /><br />19) I came, I saw, I decided to order take out. <br /><br />20) Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. <br /><br />21) I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump. <br /><br />22) What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it! <br /><br />23) How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It's the one with bite marks on the cap!!!