SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"The Driver"<br /><br />The car sped off the highway, went through the<br />guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree<br />and finally shuddered to a stop.<br /><br />A passing motorist, who had witnessed the entire<br />accident, helped the miraculously unharmed driver<br />out of the wreck.<br /><br />"Good Lord, mister," he gasped, "are you drunk?"<br /><br />"Of course," said the man, brushing the dirt<br />from his suit. "What the heck do you think I am...<br />a bloody stunt driver?!" 
<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"A Woman and A Policeman"<br /><br />A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman:<br /><br />Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?<br /><br />Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.<br /><br />Woman: Oh, I see.<br /><br />Officer: May I see your license please?<br /><br />Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.<br /><br />Officer: Don't have one?<br /><br />Woman: Lost it for driving drunk four times.<br /><br />Officer: I see...May I see your vehicle registration<br />papers please?<br /><br />Woman: I can't do that.<br /><br />Officer: Why not?<br /><br />Woman: I stole this car.<br /><br />Officer: Stole it?<br /><br />Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.<br /><br />Officer: You what?<br /><br />Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the<br />trunk if you want to see.<br /><br />The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs<br />away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes<br />5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly<br />approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.<br /><br />Officer 2: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle<br />please!<br /><br />The woman steps out of her vehicle.<br /><br />Woman: Is there a problem sir?<br /><br />Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have<br />stolen this car and murdered the owner.<br /><br />Woman: Murdered the owner?<br /><br />Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of<br />your car please?<br /><br />The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing<br />but an empty trunk.<br /><br />Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?<br /><br />Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.<br />(The first officer is quite stunned.)<br /><br />Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do<br />not have a driving license.<br /><br />The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out<br />a clutch purse and hands it to the second officer.<br />The second officer snaps opens the clutch purse<br />and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.<br /><br />Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers<br />told me you didn't have a license, that you stole<br />this car, and that you murdered and hacked up<br />the owner.<br /><br />Woman: I'll bet the lying SOB told you I was<br />speeding, too.
<br />__________________________________________________<br /><br />"A Woman and A Policeman"<br /><br />A woman driver is pulled over by a policeman:<br /><br />Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?<br /><br />Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.<br /><br />Woman: Oh, I see.<br /><br />Officer: May I see your license please?<br /><br />Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.<br /><br />Officer: Don't have one?<br /><br />Woman: Lost it for driving drunk four times.<br /><br />Officer: I see...May I see your vehicle registration<br />papers please?<br /><br />Woman: I can't do that.<br /><br />Officer: Why not?<br /><br />Woman: I stole this car.<br /><br />Officer: Stole it?<br /><br />Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.<br /><br />Officer: You what?<br /><br />Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the<br />trunk if you want to see.<br /><br />The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs<br />away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes<br />5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly<br />approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.<br /><br />Officer 2: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle<br />please!<br /><br />The woman steps out of her vehicle.<br /><br />Woman: Is there a problem sir?<br /><br />Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have<br />stolen this car and murdered the owner.<br /><br />Woman: Murdered the owner?<br /><br />Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of<br />your car please?<br /><br />The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing<br />but an empty trunk.<br /><br />Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?<br /><br />Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.<br />(The first officer is quite stunned.)<br /><br />Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do<br />not have a driving license.<br /><br />The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out<br />a clutch purse and hands it to the second officer.<br />The second officer snaps opens the clutch purse<br />and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.<br /><br />Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers<br />told me you didn't have a license, that you stole<br />this car, and that you murdered and hacked up<br />the owner.<br /><br />Woman: I'll bet the lying SOB told you I was<br />speeding, too. 
