SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"About Canada"<br /><br />These questions about Canada were posted<br />on an International Tourism Website and<br />obviously the answers came from miloman<br /><br />1.. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how<br />do the plants grow? (UK) <br />A: We import all plants<br />fully grown and then just sit around watching them<br />die.<br /><br />2.. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?<br />(USA)<br />A: Depends how much you've been drinking.<br /><br />3.. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -<br />can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)<br />A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots<br />of water.<br /><br />4.. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in<br />Canada? (Sweden)<br />A: So its true what they say about Swedes.<br /><br />5.. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and<br />addresses of places to contact for a stuffed<br />Beaver. (Italy)<br />A: Let's not touch this one.<br /><br />6.. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in<br />Canada? Can you send me a list of them in<br />Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)<br />A: What did your last slave die of ?<br /><br />7.. Q: Can you give me some information about<br />hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)<br />A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent<br />south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to<br />your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing<br />is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.<br /><br />8.. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)<br />A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact<br />us when you get here and we'll send the rest of<br />the directions.<br /><br />9.. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)<br />A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.<br /><br />10.. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir<br />schedule? (USA)<br />A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering<br />Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna<br />Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver<br />and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come<br />naked.<br /><br />11.. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (France)<br />A: No, WE don't stink.<br /><br />12.. Q: I have developed a new product that is the<br />fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell<br />it in Canada? (USA)<br />A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans<br />gather.<br /><br />13.. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)<br />A: You are an American politician, right?<br /><br />14.. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British<br />Columbia where the female population is smaller<br />than the male population? (Italy)<br />A: Yes, gay nightclubs.<br /><br />15.. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?<br />(USA)<br />A: Only at Thanksgiving.<br /><br />16.. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and<br />is milk available all year round? (Germany)<br />A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan<br />hunter gatherers. Milk Is illegal.<br /><br />17.. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada<br />who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)<br />A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless,<br />and can be safely handled and make good pets.<br /><br />18.. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in<br />Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse<br />with horns. (USA)<br />A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent<br />eating the brains of anyone walking close to them.<br />You can scare them off by spraying yourself with<br />human urine before you go out walking.<br /><br />21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want<br />to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in<br />Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)<br />A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.<br /><br />22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places<br />I go? (USA)<br />A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
