SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"Does Your Dog Own You??"<br /><br />You believe every dog is a lap dog.<br /><br />If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.<br /><br />You have a picture of your dog in your wallet,<br />but not one of your kids.<br /><br />You have your dog talk to your friends on the<br />phone.<br /><br />You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.<br /><br />No matter how large your bed is, it is not large<br />enough for you and your dog(s).<br /><br />You spend more on clothes and food for your<br />dog than you do for yourself.<br /><br />You believe there is no such thing as a naughty<br />dog.<br /><br />When you need someone to talk to, your dog<br />is your first choice.<br /><br />You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.<br />__________________________________________________<br />"A Cat In Heaven"<br /><br />The Scene: The Pearly Gates to Heaven.<br />St. Peter is receptionist at the entrance.<br /><br />A cat, DIGBEE shows up.<br /><br />St. Peter says "I know you! You were a very<br />nice cat on Earth and didn't cause any trouble,<br />so I want to offer a gift to you of one special<br />thing you have always wanted."<br /><br />DIGBEE: "Well, I did always long to own a nice<br />satin pillow like my master,OBJ had, so I could<br />lie on it."<br /><br />St. Peter: "That's easy. Granted. You shall<br />have the satin pillow after you enter in."<br /><br />Next, a group of mice appeared.<br /><br />St. Peter: "Ah, I remember you. You were<br />such good mice on Earth. You didn't steal<br />food from anyone's house and never hurt<br />other animals. Therefore, I want to grant you<br />one special wish you always wanted."<br /><br />The Chief Mouse replied, "Well, we always<br />watched the children playing and saw them<br />roller skate, and it was beautiful, and it looked<br />like so much fun. So can we each have some<br />roller skates, please?"<br /><br />St. Peter: "Granted. You shall have your wish."<br /><br />Next day, St. Peter is making the rounds inside<br />the Gates, and sees DIGBEE. "Well, DIGBEE...Did<br />you enjoy the satin pillow?"<br /><br />DIGBEE: "Oh, indeed I did. And say...that "Meals on<br />Wheels" thing was a nice touch, too!" 
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Affair"<br /><br />A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens<br />to be her husband's best friend. They make love for<br />hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there,<br />the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she<br />picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her<br />and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...<br /><br />(She is speaking in a cheery voice.)<br /><br />"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called.<br />Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you.<br />That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay.<br />Bye bye."<br /><br />She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks,<br />"Who was that?"<br /><br />"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling<br />me all about the wonderful time he's having on his<br />fishing trip with you."
<br />__________________________________________________<br />"Affair"<br /><br />A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens<br />to be her husband's best friend. They make love for<br />hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there,<br />the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she<br />picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her<br />and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation...<br /><br />(She is speaking in a cheery voice.)<br /><br />"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called.<br />Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you.<br />That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay.<br />Bye bye."<br /><br />She hangs up the telephone, and her lover asks,<br />"Who was that?"<br /><br />"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling<br />me all about the wonderful time he's having on his<br />fishing trip with you." 
