mikeandronda
Lieutenant Commander
- Joined
- May 13, 2003
- Messages
- 1,888
40 reasons its better to be a man<br /><br />1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. <br />2. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. <br />3. Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter. <br />4. You can open all your own jars. <br />5. Old friends could care less whether you've lost or gained weight.<br />6. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind. <br />7. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).<br />8. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go. <br />9. You can go to the bathroom without a support group. <br />10. Your last name stays put. <br />11. You can leave the hotel bed unmade. <br />12. The garage is all yours. <br />13. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. <br />14. Wedding plans take care of themselves. <br />15. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. <br />16. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. <br />17. You don't have to shave below your neck. <br />18. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices. <br />19. Chocolate is just another snack. <br />20. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. <br />21. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. <br />22. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by. <br />23. Car mechanics tell you the truth. <br />24. You don't care if anyone notices your new haircut. <br />25. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking, "he must be mad at me." <br />26. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. <br />27. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. <br />28. Wedding dress: $2000; Tuxedo rental: $75. <br />29. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back. <br />30. You don't mooch off others' deserts. <br />31. The remote control is yours and yours alone. <br />32. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. <br />33. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom. <br />34. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. <br />35. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. <br />36. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room. <br />37. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet. <br />38. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. <br />39. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So.... Notice anything different?" <br />40. One mood, all the time! <br /><br />++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++<br /><br />Two guys are walking through the woods and come across this big deep hole.<br /><br />"Wow...that looks deep."<br /><br />"Sure does... toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is."<br /><br />They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in and wait... no noise.<br /><br />"Jeeez. That is REALLY deep... here.. throw one of these great big rocks down there. Those should make a noise." <br /><br />They pick up a couple football-sized rocks and toss them into the hole and wait... and wait. Nothing.<br /><br />They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says, "Hey...over here in the weeds, there's a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss THAT sucker in, it's<br />GOTTA make some noise."<br /><br />The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.<br /><br />Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as it's legs will carry it. Suddenly it leaps in the air and into the hole.<br /><br />The two men are astonished with what they've just seen...<br /><br />Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and ambles over. "Hey... you two guys seen my goat out here?" "You bet we did! Craziest thing I ever seen. It came running like crazy and just jumped<br />into this hole!" <br /><br />"Nah", says the farmer, "That couldn't have been MY goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie."
