SpinnerBait_Nut
Honorary Moderator Emeritus
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Messages
- 17,651
"You Know It's Time To Go Home When ..."<br /><br />1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.<br /><br />2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your<br />pants up in the ladies room.<br /><br />3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's butt.<br /><br />4. In your last trip to pee you realize you now look more<br />like Tammy Faye Baker than the seductress you were<br />just four hours ago.<br /><br />5. You drop your 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor, pick it up<br />and carry on eating.<br /><br />6. You start crying.<br /><br />7. There are less than three hours before you're due to<br />start work.<br /><br />8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.<br /><br />9. The man you're flirting with used to be your 5th grade<br />science teacher.<br /><br />10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a<br />table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.<br /><br />11. You've forgotten where you live.<br /><br />12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the<br />cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned<br />10 times by now) you only smoke when you drink.<br /><br />13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you<br />by giving you just tonic, but that's just because you can<br />no longer taste the gin or vodka.<br /><br />14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely<br />like pizza.<br /><br />15. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't<br />take this the wrong way, but..."<br /><br />16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid is down when you<br />sit on it.<br /><br />17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling<br />take-down moves.<br /><br />18. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why<br />not?!).<br /><br />19. You show your friends that girls can pee standing up<br />if they really want to.<br /><br />20. You read this list and know it applies to you.<br />__________________________________________________<br />"No Good In Bed"<br /><br />A doctor and his wife are having a fight at the<br />breakfast table. The husband doesn't like the<br />way the food has been prepared. He gets up<br />in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed,<br />either!" and storms out of the house.<br /><br />After sometime he realizes he was nasty and<br />decides to make amends and rings her up.<br /><br />She comes to phone after many rings, and the<br />irritated husband says, "What took you so long<br />to answer the phone?"<br /><br />She says, "I was in bed."<br /><br />"In bed this late, doing what"?<br /><br />"Getting a second opinion," she says. 
